Afraid Of The ‘First Night’? Here’s Help To Enjoy Yourself

It is not unusual for young women to feel worried about having sex the first time around. Here are some tips to enjoy with your first experience of sex.

I admit it – I am scared of sex! So? It’s perfectly normal. I know that numerous girls spend sleepless nights before their ‘first night’ post marriage, worried about the pain that they may have to bear during their first intercourse. What’s more, for those who have stayed virgins until marriage, the thought of taking off their clothes and exposing themselves in front of their man, and seeing him nude, can also be disturbing. Indeed, the fear of sexual pain and shyness due to inhibitions about sex can make a woman feel so apprehensive in bed.

What used to be called sexual coldness or frigidity is now medically termed as Female Sexual Arousal Disorder or Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. This condition is mostly psychological, especially for first-timers. So what next? Take sanyas, stay single and lead a lonely life, or decide to be happily unmarried? Well, not unless you want to!

Seriously, there have been umpteen speculations on the various signs and causes of sexual coldness, but here, I’m going to focus on the solution. And the solution isn’t only dependent on the masculine sex alone, to help their feminine partners overcome presexual fear and discomfort. Today’s smart, intelligent and independent woman can banish or at least abate her fears herself. Here’s how.

Talking openly with your partner

A heart to heart chat before intercourse is sensible plus practical. If she isn’t comfortable, she can ask him to proceed via finger technique (with the nails cut cleanly). She has every right to demand foreplay and cuddling. She must convey to him that if he truly loves her, the ‘I am a man’ mentality, which leads to focusing on breaking the hymen in a single day, should not come between them. It is important for the man to feel her pain and keep in mind that the hymen is a part of the woman’s body, and it bleeds and hurts. Moreover, he too can hurt himself in the process, so it’s good to proceed at a pace that suits both partners. If your man turns out to be the selfish partner who prefers snoozing post sex, and you desire cuddling, talk to him about that too.

Prepare yourself mentally

Things like “C’mon, it’s my first night, I have to make him happy, or he’ll be put off” don’t work. In fact, at this juncture, telling herself that it won’t hurt much and then taking the plunge might help. When he’s entering her, breathing in and out to bear with the sweet pain, will do a world of good. Sex may be painful the first time round, but it is also meant for pleasure, after all.

Love your body

Remember that you are what you are, and there’s nothing to feel shy about any part of your body. If she’s ashamed of the fact that she’s a ‘pumpkin’ or a ‘brownie’, that will reflect in her body language and stop her from undressing. She should be confident and love her body the way it is, and stop thinking about what her lover will say, as there’s no place for judgement in true love, which has a divine connection with inner beauty (all that matters). The body is just a medium, and the soul, the ultimate destination. 

Seek expert counselling

However, if she feels completely unaroused, with her vagina going dry and tightening involuntarily (Vaginismus), in spite of constant cuddling and foreplay, she must consult a sexpert and a counsellor. Mostly, the sexpert suggests the finger technique or using an anaesthetic vaginal gel before having sex. The counsellor will most probably make her understand that sex is beautiful despite being painful, and also that lust is a part of love, and lust doesn’t last, but love does.

Sex is so much more than just spreading the legs or climbing on top and just doing it. It not only involves touching the body, but the soul as well. One tip from my side would be that there’s nothing to worry about – in the worst case, you can always go to a doctor and get rid of the hymen at the hospital, that’s all!

Pic of young couple courtesy Shutterstock

Shinjini Banerjee

Sweet and simple, Shinjini Banerjee is a girl of traditional values but modern aspirations. Ambitious

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