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A lovely personal account of choosing to become a mother, and what life offers you on becoming a mother.
When I look at my 2 month old baby sleeping on my lap, satisfied after nursing for a half hour, I often wonder, how did this miracle land up in my life? The baby was just a thought up to a year back and now he is here. And then I realize, oh, I made him. All of him. These tiny little fingers, that beautiful curve of his lips, the peach coloured skin, I made all of him.
Why did I decide to have a baby? Frankly, in my mind there was never any other way. Having a child was always the plan. Like millions of women, I always wanted to get married at an ‘appropriate’ age, and then eventually have kids. Preferably two.
Having a baby seemed the most natural, instinctive thing to do.
Then when I started seriously thinking about it, I realised that this baby business was a permanent fixture, an irreversible act, which will be our responsibility at least for the next 18 years. Were we in the state of mind to make a lifelong commitment we cannot run away from?
I had read a lot of articles where women/men said most people have babies to make their life complete. That was not true for me. I felt complete enough. I have a good career, a challenging job and a baking and blogging hobby which filled my weekends. The husband and I love to travel and we travel very often. So I felt completely satisfied as it is. Even without the baby I had a big list of things I wanted to do. Accomplishing those would already take a lifetime.
So having babies to feel complete was out.
The second common reason was ‘wanting to live your life, fulfil your dreams through your kids’. Hell, no. I have to live my life, be happy with the way I do things and only then can I provide a stable, fulfilling life to my kids. I never once thought that I will live out my dreams through my kids. My dreams are my own. I want to fulfil them. Our kids will have a life based on their aspirations, their view of the world. Some of our goals may coincide and I hope they will want to do some things their parents like to do, but that’s about it. Thank you.
Then why do I want kids?
Because it would make me complete.
Huh?
Clichéd as it is, that’s the truth. Till now I have been a daughter, a sister, niece, wife, daughter-in-law etc. But not yet a mother. It is one important role I get to play in life only after I have kids. So much has been written and said about ‘mom’ that I wouldn’t miss being that person even for a heartbeat. In a strange way, I want to live up to that image. I want my children to grow up into enriched individuals and look back at their childhood and say, “It was good”.
My mom is my shrink. There is nothing in the world that she doesn’t understand by merely looking at me and nothing she can’t solve by a few soothing words and a warm bear hug only moms are capable of giving. I want to be my child’s shrink. I can’t give up on being that amazing person for my child as my mom is for me.
Also, I want kids so that I can look at life from a different point of view. Life makes us all cynics. Growing up takes us away from innocence, one day at a time. I want to see things from my little child’s perspective. Everything in the world that we take for granted, is new for them. I don’t remember the first time I saw a dog, or sat in a Ferris wheel or felt rain pouring down my face. But I will see my children discover all these things and I will capture those moments as if they were my own.
I want to take a swing so high that the world looks tiny. Dance in the rain, sing silly songs, go running after a butterfly, or simply kneel in front of a dog and stick out my tongue like he does. Only a little kid will give me the liberty of doing such childish acts. With him. And to look at the world through a wonder filled kaleidoscope.
It is a going to be a beautiful journey, but right now I write this when my days and nights have morphed into one unending time slot of 24 hours which is on a continuous loop of feeding, burping, nappy changing, soothing and back to feeding again. But yes, I still want kids.
Image of little feet via Shutterstock
I am a Chartered Accountant and a storyteller, along with being a food blogger. Baking and writing comes easier to me than does Accounting standards, and hence CA-giri is done only for sustenance and read more...
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'Dr Saloni will take care of everything,' my MIL said. My cowardly husband refused to go against his mother’s wishes. I was left to fend for myself!
Some time ago, I went to a marriage ceremony with my parents. It was a very high-profile marriage – not the ones we usually were invited to – but in this case it was Ramesh uncle’s son’s marriage. Ramesh uncle was my father’s first cousin. He began his career as a humble elevator operator at the TIC business group. With his sheer hard work, grit, and the knack of sensing the right opportunities, within eighteen years he became the president of the company. My father and he were the best of friends during their school time.
Half an hour before the stipulated time, we left our house, hired an auto and reached the venue. All four of us were in our best outfits. Getting out of the auto and looking at each other, we were highly convinced that we were going to fit in just right. As we crossed the dazzling and beautiful portico, we felt very insignificant compared to the big lawn and building lying ahead.
Mother was wearing all the jewellery she had got, including the big old-fashioned necklace, earrings and shiny bangles. Father was wearing a velvet coat, brother had put on a light orange shirt with a black check coat, I myself was wearing a red salwar kurta with a net dupatta. I had put on a necklace with red beads which at the time of wearing looked very pretty to me. Now looking at the other guests, I felt all four of us must be looking like clowns who had come for a fancy-dress competition. I felt my brother and parents were also feeling self-conscious and uneasy now.
Live-in relationships are legal in the eyes of the law. Read on to know more on the rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships may sound exciting. But sometimes they become complicated, especially for women and the children born from a live-in relationship. It’s important to be aware of rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships are where a woman and man live under one roof with mutual consent, like husband and wife, but without getting married. This has become very common in metropolitan cities these days, where two independent people simply do not want to get married. This relationship can be terminated without the consent of the other party.
Live-in relation may not be recognized completely at the social level, but Indian law does consider this relationship to be legal.
It’s World Breastfeeding Week and it’s very heartening to see the support this natural part of a mother-child relationship has gained over the last few years.
It’s World Breastfeeding Week and it’s very heartening to see the level of support and solidarity this natural part of a mother-child relationship has gained over the last few years.
While today I am an avid supporter of this cause, this is far from what I personally felt as a first-time mother when my son was born over a decade ago.
Yesterday, out of nowhere my 12 year old son casually asked me, ‘Mom, do you know it’s World Breastfeeding Week’? .I looked at him, smiled and simply nodded my head. Then he was curious to find out with his question, ‘Mom, did you breastfeed me?’ I wasn’t expecting this one and I vigorously exclaimed a ‘Yesss’ and then added ‘for a very long time’ with such assertiveness that he clearly understood the impact of his question. I was almost on the verge of blurting out the iconic Bollywood dialogue, ‘Tune Maa ka Doodh Peeya Hai’ (You have been fed your mother’s milk).
Post Natal Depression can strike anyone, any time after giving birth. And it's best to talk about it instead of ignoring it or willing it to go away!
Post Natal Depression can strike anyone, any time after giving birth. And it’s best to talk about it instead of ignoring it or willing it to go away!
My husband and I had longed for a child for a few years when I finally conceived. We felt a void which couldn’t be filled with careers and holidays anymore.
Neither did we want to grow old and not have a family to celebrate life with. We knew we were definitely ready for the next stage of our lives.