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How do we avoid falling into the trap of possessiveness, especially when it is one's own child at the heart of the matter?
How do we avoid falling into the trap of possessiveness, especially when it is one’s own child at the heart of the matter?
The son listened to his mother in silence while she kept yelling her displeasure at his failing to call on time. Every time something like this happened, she mentioned that she had looked up to her only son while he has drifted away in building his own life.
The topic will soon move on to include his wife, who according to the mother has been instrumental in separating them. I, the wife, once the silent observer, chose to sideline myself from the scene by ignoring most of her annotations. The difficult part was seeing my husband suffer, caught between maternal and marital woes, not knowing whom to speak for and how to speak up.
While the heated one-sided conversation started to cool down after she was done being infuriating, they settled down with their normal conversation discussing the elements of daily life. I have to say, (most) men have an amazing quality of discarding things off their minds in a blink and maybe that’s why live life more easily than us. But it leaves me with the scars of the past pricking, each time she repeats her act.
I think out loud now, “What is the deal with mothers who have a son? Does it give them some special privilege for having delivered a boy?”
When I was introduced to her years back, she had told me how I need to be smart and listen to her, in order to become a member of their family. Some years later I gave up trying and made our own life, when nothing I did pleased her and she could see no good quality in me.
She would keep saying that she doesn’t have two or three sons to fulfil her wishes, if the first one doesn’t. Being young, I used to wonder if that was actually how people with multiple kids thought. “Did Maa (my mother) think the same about us sisters?”
Impossible is the only word I found for the answer, for if not, my husband would not have been promoted to that status from being my boyfriend. On one rare occasion, when I got involved in an argument with my mother-in-law, she had cleverly cursed me under the disguise of a blessing, that I would understand her feelings when I become a mother and I vowed to myself that I would never become one like her.
Actually, possessiveness can become a disease if not recognized in time. It not only kills the victim slowly but affects its targets too in the form of a slow poisoning. I have seen my husband hiding weariness after several such incidents and no matter how strong a person he is, I do realize how it breaks him inside.
Mother – is a sacred word, the most pure relationship in this universe and the only divine presence one can think of. It is scary to think how the same divinity can kill that vibrant bond out a desire to dominate. Today, at an advanced age, even with all the bitterness, the son has triumphed over every possible responsibility; but is her heart at peace?
Possession concept image via Shutterstock
An IT Professional for bread and butter, a writer from the heart, reader for meditation and cook for spreading happiness. A strong independent woman and I look forward not to change the way world looks read more...
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).