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If a woman is a virgin, she's considered pure. Who decides the level of 'purity'? Why is virginity so coveted? This post asks some important questions.
If a woman is a virgin, she’s considered pure. Who decides the level of ‘purity’? Why is virginity so coveted? This post asks some important questions.
Recently, I stumbled upon a video going viral on social media. The concept was a good one – Would you marry your son to a rape victim? I was of the opinion that it doesn’t matter – A rape victim is as much a person as anybody else. But the views of the men on the streets of India really baffled me. There was a statement made by a fairly conservative looking man – “I will not marry my son to a rape victim because my son is pure. I want my daughter-in-law to be pure too.”
I was very upset, angry, and taken aback by this statement. And as I pondered over it for a few minutes, I realised that the root of this statement goes back to the age-old concept of virginity. That virginity is something special, something ethereal, and something that must be protected until you’re married. In a country like India, where there are no rules of moral policing governing the virginity of men, a woman’s virginity is kept at a pedestal as if it’s some badge of honour or medal.
…there are no rules of moral policing governing the virginity of men, but a woman’s virginity is kept at a pedestal as if it’s some badge of honour or medal.
My objective in writing this article is not to encourage pre-marital sex/extramarital sex or sex, in the first place. I think it’s an individual’s prerogative if he/she wants to have sex before marriage or after it or even have it at all. My objective is to try to understand why virginity carries such a great value in our belief system, and why that is flawed.
The primary reason is because it gives people the idea that if they engage in any kind of sexual activity, it will make them impure and God will punish them for this sin. Also, if they remain virgins, God will bless them with a lovely family. God! It is sex. What is such a big deal about it ? That too, to the extent of inculcating anti-sex ideas into the minds of young people? Sex is a natural act. No amount of sex can make one unpure.
The second reason why it is so wrong to impose these ideas of virginity on girls is because it does not give them a chance to explore their sexuality. They do not know anything about their own bodies, let alone sex, till they marry. After marriage, they are dutifully expected to be at the service of their husbands. This makes them very much like a sexual slave of their partners. It makes them feel that even if they’re having any sexual thoughts, they’re committing a sin! This needs to stop.
To have or not have sex is a matter of individual choice. It has no nexus with religion or purity or any of those fancy moral value terms. As far as a rape victim is concerned, firstly, its not her fault that she was raped. Secondly, the act of rape does not make her impure.
It is just a crappy idea embedded in our heads that sex is bad, sex is filthy. Even when it is done in a manner as heinous as rape, no one wants to talk about the perpetrator. Everyone is concerned about how the girl is not pure. This makes me sad. And all these things together are responsible for the old conservative man’s statement. I am sure there are many others like him.
It’s a free world people. You can do whatever you want, with whoever you want. Before marriage or after, does not matter at all. So educate young girls on how sex is a natural process, and not a dirty one. And most importantly, tell them that it’s their choice. No one else’s.
Pic credit: snugglepup (used under a CC license)
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'Dr Saloni will take care of everything,' my MIL said. My cowardly husband refused to go against his mother’s wishes. I was left to fend for myself!
Some time ago, I went to a marriage ceremony with my parents. It was a very high-profile marriage – not the ones we usually were invited to – but in this case it was Ramesh uncle’s son’s marriage. Ramesh uncle was my father’s first cousin. He began his career as a humble elevator operator at the TIC business group. With his sheer hard work, grit, and the knack of sensing the right opportunities, within eighteen years he became the president of the company. My father and he were the best of friends during their school time.
Half an hour before the stipulated time, we left our house, hired an auto and reached the venue. All four of us were in our best outfits. Getting out of the auto and looking at each other, we were highly convinced that we were going to fit in just right. As we crossed the dazzling and beautiful portico, we felt very insignificant compared to the big lawn and building lying ahead.
Mother was wearing all the jewellery she had got, including the big old-fashioned necklace, earrings and shiny bangles. Father was wearing a velvet coat, brother had put on a light orange shirt with a black check coat, I myself was wearing a red salwar kurta with a net dupatta. I had put on a necklace with red beads which at the time of wearing looked very pretty to me. Now looking at the other guests, I felt all four of us must be looking like clowns who had come for a fancy-dress competition. I felt my brother and parents were also feeling self-conscious and uneasy now.
Live-in relationships are legal in the eyes of the law. Read on to know more on the rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships may sound exciting. But sometimes they become complicated, especially for women and the children born from a live-in relationship. It’s important to be aware of rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships are where a woman and man live under one roof with mutual consent, like husband and wife, but without getting married. This has become very common in metropolitan cities these days, where two independent people simply do not want to get married. This relationship can be terminated without the consent of the other party.
Live-in relation may not be recognized completely at the social level, but Indian law does consider this relationship to be legal.
It is because rape is considered a crime against honor of the woman and her family that rape survivors are not getting the justice they deserve. How?
Recently, the Human Rights Watch had come out with findings which state that rape victims in India continue to face many obstacles when trying to obtain justice. This continues to be the case ever since the horrific Nirbhaya case in 2012 following which several amendments were made with the aim of ensuring quick and strong justice against rapists.
The major obstacles cited by the agency are: police are not swift at recording these crimes when reported by women. This is especially the case when victims are from economically or socially vulnerable classes and lack the money and power to influence the right legal action.
What do you think is the meaning of rape purely in a psycho-biological way? Read on to know - you'll be shocked!
What do you think is the meaning of rape purely in a psycho-biological way? Read on to know – you’ll be shocked!
Have you thought of what rape means in purely biological terms? It takes the lack of consent to a completely new level altogether. Very crudely, “I will rape you” biologically means “I will forcefully deposit my sperms in your uterus.”
You have seen in Hindi movies of the 1970’s through 1990’s, that the heroine, cornered by the villain, tearfully and fearfully pleads him not to rape her, or she will be destroyed, she will be ‘dishonored’, and she will have to live shamefully the rest of her life. (That the hero intervenes at the moment and saves her, is a part of the fictional screenplay).