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Popular TV shows often influence attitudes and trends. Here is an article about Comedy Nights With Kapil, and why we must be alarmed.
Comedy Nights With Kapil is winning accolades. The show is funny, with its startling comparisons and gender stereotypes – the pushing forty Bua declaring herself to be ‘hot and sexy twaanty two years old’ and the tully Daadi. Telly viewers are going gaga over Kapil’s show.
I seem to be an exception. Am I the only one losing my sense of humour? I don’t laugh at his jokes, especially those about his wife Manju’s family; the area I am going to focus on. I get irritated and annoyed, I don’t find them funny. Am I taking things too seriously? Am I becoming unnecessary alarmed about the voice of patriarchy in remarks against women, especially against Manju Sharma in Comedy Nights With Kapil?
Though he has been taught many times by celebs to woo his wife, Bittoo Sharma keeps on making fun of his ‘bade hoton wali bibi’ (wife with big lips). She also keeps on checking on him whenever a beautiful guest appears on the show. This part of their love and hate relationship – it’s a cliché, because there is hardly any lovely respect – is still acceptable.
The ridicule Bittoo heaps on Manju’s father, brother, uncle, cousin..in fact her whole family, though, is horrible. He calls her father a beggar, a pauper, a miser, a thief. This is not banter. I am not an “angry feminist” but this is not a laughing matter. The more we take these comments as jokes and laugh at them, the less likely it is that the perpetrators – Kapil, his scriptwriters with this mind set – will ever take it seriously and realize the errors of their way.
It’s a comedy show. I realize Kapil is not here to sermonize, or to be didactic.
It’s a comedy show. I realize Kapil is not here to sermonize, or to be didactic. He is depicting the status quo of patriarchal culture. Though the tide is changing, men continue to have the upper hand as far as making compromises and adjustments is concerned, and women keep on playing second fiddle to men in relationships. Punjabis on the whole, are jolly people always willing to enjoy life. But Bittoo Sharma is injecting chauvinistic, patriarchal, Punjabi humour into the minds of his viewers.
Cultural values are shared assumptions about what is good, right, or important. Societal norms are based on values people hold dear, and we internalize them. Bittoo Sharma is creating a sanction for the unwritten assumption that it is all right to make fun of one’s wife’s brother, father, brother , call them names, declare them beggars, paupers, cheats, swindlers and shoplifters, to taunt one’s wife for not bringing dowry and wedding gifts.
Her father and brother are bhukkads (gluttons), who always reach uninvited at parties and devour food stealthily. Why he has so far spared Manju’s mother is a mystery. Her uncle is a watchman. Her cousin was caught stealing jewellery. Poor Manju keeps on protesting before her Sharmajee, to not insult her family.
In a nutshell, Manju has come from a very lowly disreputable family. People are laughing at these jokes; impressionable ones will internalize them and conform to them. Thus, their status will change. They will become approved socially constructed expressions.
Manju is not shown making fun of Bittoo’s family – because that is not an acceptable patriarchal norm. If she were to do so, she would face social disapproval because it is her duty as a wife to respect her husband’s family. Only husbands have the prerogative to be patronizing towards their wives’ families – the families naturally dearest to all the uprooted, displaced wives.
Whether Bittoo Sharma is following the existing social reality or not, he definitely is getting a chance to shape it.
As far as literature and society are concerned who picks up from whom is a moot point. Whether Bittoo Sharma is following the existing social reality or not, he definitely is getting a chance to shape it. When we see something being repeated so many times in our drawing rooms, it becomes very easy for us to accept it.
Social norms keep on changing; agreed? Television is a powerful medium; agreed ? Kapil by following this vein of humour(?) which is very popular and acceptable in the patriarchal mindset, is creating an informal sanction for it in the Indian psyche. Look at how Punjabi apparel – salwar kameez has been accepted by women across India. Or, how South Indian dosas and idli are now pan-Indian food. Now, do you get what I am driving at?
Pic credit: Colors.in.com
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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