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Adopted from India as children, many Indian origin adoptees wish to search for their birth parents. What drives them?
Adopted Child
By Miriam Gaenicke
Imagine you live in a Western nation where hardly anyone bears any resemblance to you (especially your own parents), mostly everyone is Caucasian and very few of your peers have black hair and olive skin.
I always had full access to my Indian passport and photographs, which recorded my ten months of Indian foster care and information about being adopted from India. But growing up, I was the “All-American Kid” who loved school, her parents and friends. Furthermore, I was THE tallest and stuck out like a sore thumb.
Aside from my family with two fellow adopted siblings, my first casual encounter with another Indian peer was on my primary school playground. My soon-to-be friend, Rahab, asked me, “Are you from India?” I replied, “Yes,” but quickly noticed that she was darker and shorter than me even though she was also one year older than me (and in lower primary school terms, that’s an eternity).
At the time, it did not occur to me that we originated from different regions of India. And WHY would it? I was just a child. Eventually, I learned most Indians in my Central California region were shorter and darker than me; many came from Punjab and Gujarat.
Miriam Gaenicke
Most people take full advantage of knowing their parents and birth information such as their birth weight, parents’ religion, delivery method and obstetric history. But throughout my 36 years of existence, eternal questions sit in the back of my mind: “Why don’t more Indians resemble me? Aside from Southern India, where does this population live? What does my birth family look like and how do I resemble them?”
I had yet to find any answers to the last and most important question until last year when I sent a random email to my birth hospital via an online request. Surprisingly, within hours, I received a response from the hospital’s physical therapist. This conversation led to my receiving my birth information. For me, this was a miraculous event! Very few Indian children adopted to the United States from the 1960s & 1970s have any birth information.
For many Indian adoptees, one’s birthday is simply unknown. In my case, it has always been known. According to Dr. Kripa Cooper-Lewter, fellow Indian adoptee and Social Work Professor at University of South Carolina, my situation is very unique. Only 5% of Indian children who were adopted to the United States in the 1970’s have access to their specific birth information.
From the Indian American community, I have often heard these equally pressing statements, ‘‘You have a great adoptive family. Why do you feel the need to search for your Indian family?” There are many reasons WHY I (and many adoptees) feel inclined to search for at least one of our birth parents. The main reason is the innate need to know our roots.
You have a great adoptive family. Why do you feel the need to search for your Indian family?
Basic human biology proves this. Adoption is an act of will and it’s natural to want to know more. Curiosity and the need to complete our identities are elements which naturally spark us to ask, “What do my parents look like? Who ‘has’ my spunky personality? And why am I so tall (1.73m)?” Having access to our own medical history is also a major concern. Adopted individuals often need to know medical conditions we may be passing on to our children, and what to expect in our futures.
Of course there is the ultimate question, “Why was I given up for adoption?” Looking in the mirror asking these questions is no different to a non-adoptee looking in the mirror and telling themselves, “I have my mom’s hair, dad’s eyes, and grandma’s sense of humour.” These statements for biological children have answers, while the adoptees’ questions do not.
A mirror is a powerful tool for both parties: adopted and biological. The next time you look in the mirror, please take a look at yourself and think of the thousands of Indian adoptees who have very little and/or no idea of their heritage and early beginnings. It may stun you, sadden you or simply give you a glimpse into our entire lives.
*Photo credit: Klearchos Kapoutsis (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License.)
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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