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We tend to lose our women friends as we grow older, but female bonding is irreplaceable - one woman's thoughts on friendship.
We tend to lose our women friends as we grow older, but female bonding is irreplaceable – one woman’s thoughts on friendship.
By Anne John
Terms & Conditions: By reading this article, you automatically accept to reconnect with at least one special woman friend whom you haven’t paid attention to in a while!
(This is the first piece in a series of articles that we will be publishing in March to celebrate women’s relationships, in honour of International Women’s Day).
Do you sometimes feel like you’ve become the ‘New Indian Woman’, flittering from home to work and back again? While it is true that the time spent by men with their friends also decreases after marriage, they do not neglect it as much as women friends do. It is easy for women to lose touch with friends and contain themselves within a limited circle of family members or once they are married, their husband’s friends.
No matter how wonderful your spouse is, it is a fact that he cannot possibly be there for you all the time. And while colleagues at the workplace may be ‘friendly’, not everybody is lucky enough to make genuine friends at work. Everyone needs a few trusted friends, and other woman are more likely to be of support in trying times, as they may have been through the same situation or even help you see a different point of view. This is a much needed support system especially for the many women moving abroad, away from their families.
In certain families, women are criticized if they continue to give importance to their friends after marriage or children. They are seen as being “too independent” or even frivolous. Often mothers already suffer from some amount of “mommy guilt” and sometimes working mothers are made to feel irresponsible for not spending enough time with their children. In such a situation, women can go to the extent of internalizing this conflict and berate themselves for leaving their kids with family members or hired help, for an evening out with friends. This is totally uncalled for and only contributes to the self-imposed and unnecessary guilt, causing women to miss out on the good stress-busters that friends can be.
Here are some tips to keep your friendships alive!
1) Create time for female bonding: Yes, time is scarce, but the first step is to acknowledge that friendships beyond your work/marriage are a necessity and not a luxury that you can sacrifice. A little planning and some co-operation from your spouse can help a lot. Prema Joseph, 55, boasts of a close-knit group of school and college friends. Once a Fine Arts student and an Art & Craft teacher, running a household soon became an all consuming activity and she slowly lost touch with her hobbies. But now after all these years, a couple of her friends have reconnected and started a few painting projects. They egg each other on to complete paintings and plan to set up an art exhibition soon. Reviving common hobbies, learning new things together and alumni meets are some ways she uses to keep in touch with her friends.
2) Go tech: Suganya Bala, 27, had to keep moving along on different postings since her husband worked in the Navy. Although she cannot meet her friends as often as she would like to, she uses social networking to stay up-to-date with her friends. Facebook, Orkut, Emails, Mobiles, Forums and Skype are your options to connect with your buddies what’s more, entirely free! Today, ‘blog buddies’ are among the best friends some have. As an added bonus, it is also a really fun way to network and expand your professional contacts.
3) Women friends old and new: As we grow older, sometimes we outgrow our old friendships and form new bonds. It is indeed wonderful if we could still hold on to childhood friends but as the proverb goes ‘Birds of a feather flock together’. For example, mothers with young children often bond together to exchange notes. Of course this is not a set rule. It just means that you don’t need to feel guilty about losing some of your old friends. Just make sure you reach out to new ones. For example, you may volunteer to baby-sit your neighbour’s kids for an evening and they could return the favour while you enjoy a dinner out with your spouse.
4) Celebrate with female bonding: Social networking has indeed shrunk the world but it has also turned major life events into mere status updates or flitting tweets. The next time there is a festival, wedding, birth, graduation, job change or promotion, instead of simply sending a congratulatory message, plan and meet up with your friends (or even just one friend) to celebrate. It could be just a small gathering over coffee or a pot-luck lunch over a weekend. And sometimes, just Life is reason enough to party!
With International Women’s Day just around the corner, do you need any further convincing to celebrate your women friends?
Anne John loves to play with words and calls herself a reader, writer, explorer & dreamer. She has a wide range of interests and has recently jumped onto the Mommy Vlogger bandwagon! read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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