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As I was a working mother, Rima took my baby under her wing. After breast feeding sessions she would snatch away the baby. The baby even slept with her, nights.
Recently I read a very interesting post on this forum, as to how a mother in law became a catalyst for her son’s divorce. In my case it was not the mother in law (the lady of the house) who is to blame. but her daughter.
Flummoxed? Well let me fill in the details.
The lady in question, *Rima, had bones to pick with me from day one. There were two deeply psychological reasons behind this.
One, her sole ambition in life was marriage–home-family. But her parents were hell bent on marrying her off within their caste circles. She wanted to marry someone from the defence services. But her ‘loving’ parents would have none of it. “Marriage with defence guys ushers in a speedy widowhood” was their axiomatic belief! So by the time I came into the picture as a prospective bride (later bride) for her brother, she was already a considered ‘too old for marriage’.
Secondly she was madly affectionate towards her ‘little’ and only brother. Quite naturally, she couldn’t bear to see her bhaai spending more time, with a pawrer barir meye (stranger, outsider).
From the outset she foul mouthed my parents, hid (read stole) my few personal belongings while I was away at work. Initially her parents tried to be nice to me, but she bullied and threatened them into being nasty to me. They withdrew.
Rima was in charge of breakfast. My roti/parathas were generally over roasted tough, leathery. My tumbler of milk had more water than milk. I wondered why. Once we had a major argument. Rima furiously darted towards me, her face crimson, nostrils flaring, her hair disheveled, “har****** I will kill you! You have ruined our lives…bhaai follows you like a dog on a leash” So this was the crux of the matter, you see. Thence we never spoke to each other. Only sparks and barbs flew thick and fast.
As I was a working mother, Rima took my baby under her wing. After breast feeding sessions she would snatch away the baby. The baby even slept with her, nights. Consequently I had little quality time with “my baby”… Or was she really mine? She went on to teach the child distressing things – in front of everyone, she would ask, “where is maa?” The kid would point towards her. She taught her to call me powcha (rotten/ no good). Till date some of our old neighbours refuse to believe I’m Trisha’s mom!
Rima’s nefarious ways continued unabated. Precisely before I came home from work the aunt-niece would disappear only to return late. On weekends she would closet the child and her dad in another room for hours.
Summing up, my married /family life was in shambles. I mulled on separation. Thanks to the timely intervention by a woman activist and social worker known to me the crisis was averted. She advised me to set up a home of my own with the partner and and my daughter, even if somewhere close to the sasural to enable ‘the son’ to discharge his duties towards his family properly.
So that’s the way it turned out finally. Suffice it to say that the quintessential Indian mother in law is infamous (of course there are exceptions galore). However a mom in law with a daughter tagging along… beware!
Image source: pixabay
Am a trained and experienced features writer with 30 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature et all.Am a true feminist at heart. An iconoclast read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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