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Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce?
I am a woman who has just touched 40 and have been married for the past decade. Just like most young girls, I also dreamt of white picket fences, a loving husband, two adorable kids and a dog. While I managed the first, we decided not to add the next two.
In the beginning it was because we both were busy with our careers and later because we felt the world was already over–populated. While we were happy and at peace with our decision, our relatives, friends and society were not.
It’s true that becoming a parent is probably the greatest joy in the world, but in my case I told was it was the very reason for my existence. If I was not a mother, what was I? My identity as a daughter, wife, sister, friend, employee and contributing member of the society were all meaningless if I did not meet the basic need of procreation.
A few years into the marriage, we were barraged by all and sundry to quickly have kids. Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce? The fact that we did not wish to enjoy parenthood was not understood at all.
However, my objective here is to not justify my decision but give some sage advice to all young girls who are married or about to get married and it comes from personal experience.
Yes, motherhood is filled with joy and is magical. But, please do not have a child if:
Having a kid is a huge responsibility fraught with responsibilities that do not end. Once you become a parent, you do not get holidays, off days, or sick leaves. In the beginning, the little bundle of joy will need you 24X7. Later, as he or she starts to grow up they need you for mental and emotional support which you must provide lifelong.
No, I am not trying to scare you or sell motherhood short. All I am saying is that, please have a kid, only if and your partner are sure you want to add to your family. Then try your level best to bring up a well-balanced individual who is level-headed and can take critical life decisions in a logical way. Follow the same decision making process when pressure starts mounting for a second kid.
Always remember it is you who will be the centre of universe for the little life you bring in, not the second floor aunty who will ask, “Arrey, abhi tak bachcha nahi hua?” (Why don’t you have a child yet?)
Image source: a still from Qarib Qarib Singlle
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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