Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
With women and housework perpetually linked together, is it really surprising that women's careers often take a backseat to their husbands’?
Women and housework
With women and housework perpetually linked together, is it really surprising that women’s careers often take a backseat to their husbands’?
By Unmana Datta
Michelle Obama gave a much-lauded speech at the Democratic National Convention early this month. She used a variation of the old feminist slogan, “the personal is political”, while referring to Barack Obama. This is remarkable because both feminism and femininity are often derided in popular culture, and Obama drew a line from her husband to both.
But the other thing that struck me about her speech was this line: “My most important title is still ‘mom-in-chief’.”
By all accounts, Michelle Obama was a brilliant lawyer. She was Barack’s boss when they met. And not only did she support her husband’s career over her own, but, “Obama presented herself precisely as she needed to in order to be digested by the American people: as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother.”
Barack Obama himself wrote: “No matter how liberated I liked to see myself as — no matter how much I told myself that Michelle and I were equal partners, and that her dreams and ambitions were as important as my own — the fact was that when children showed up, it was Michelle and not I who was expected to make the necessary adjustments.”
…the fact was that when children showed up, it was Michelle and not I who was expected to make the necessary adjustments.
And don’t we see that dynamic in India often enough – that women, even women with careers or businesses – are expected to support their husband’s careers to the detriment of their own?
Two years ago, I refused to follow my husband when he accepted a job in another city. I had just started a new job which seemed really promising. I encouraged him to take the job and each of us tried to be supportive of the other without giving up on our ambitions. But a friend challenged my decision and derided me for being too “extreme” (for being invested in my own job!)
Recently, the minister for Women and Child Development, Krishna Tirath, suggested that husbands provide housewives with a share of their income. While this isn’t a new debate, and there are arguments (some of them reasonable) against quantifying the care women put into their households and families, the objective behind it is laudable: ensure that “women’s work” is valued and that women who work within the home are not totally dependent on their husbands and in-laws.
In the U.S., the majority of women are now primary earners in their households. This is due partly to the financial crisis, with women assuming the role as a result of their partners losing their jobs. And of course, plenty of women are single and financially independent.
On an average day, 19 percent of men did housework – such as cleaning or doing laundry – compared with 48 percent of women.
But does that mean husbands (or live-in male partners) are taking on the supporting role? Not enough. The fact remains that the majority of the housework is still handled by women. As this report from the Bureau of Labour Statistics states, “On an average day, 19 percent of men did housework – such as cleaning or doing laundry – compared with 48 percent of women.”
I believe the change will come, that men in general will be as supportive of their wives’ work (within or outside the home) as women have been of their husbands’.
When the friend I talk of above moved to a different city for his career, his wife moved with him. But not much later, when he found himself dissatisfied and wanted to move back, his wife was reluctant; she had found a new job of her own. He made his peace with it, becoming a supporting partner in practice when he hadn’t been one in theory.
And that brings us back full circle to “the personal is political.” Way too often, the overlapping of the personal and political has meant that the woman has held back and made compromises, reluctant to upset domestic life. But often these days, I see men stepping up to be good parents, to support their wives in their careers and inside the home. Where abstract notions of equality might not work, personal circumstances often will – whether it’s the harsh financial realities brought on by an economic crisis or a man’s love for his partner, or maybe even, being forced to compensate his wife for her often-invisible contribution to the household.
*Photo credit: mahat64 (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License.)
Unmana is interested in gender, literature and relationships, and writes about everything she's interested in. She lives in, and loves, Bombay. read more...
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
Please enter your email address