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Bengali women are intrinsically more 'open minded' and vocal about their needs and lives, and hence fetishised by men as more 'sexual'. STOP already!
From as long as I can remember, I have heard ungracious jokes and derogatory things about Bengali women, particularly from North Indian men.
It isn’t solely Bollywood that needs to be blamed for portraying Bengali women as “witches who know black magic”, but rather the overall commonly held misconceptions surrounding our existence and life choices that make people believe they have the right to fetishise us. This article aims to talk about a few things that Bengali women are tired of hearing about themselves.
It must be noted that while Bengali women or simply Bengali individuals who are perceived as women by the society due to their appearances are being spoken about here, the intention behind doing so is not to exclude or disrespect people with other gender identities who might have had similar experiences.
Statements like these are the very definition of the stereotypes that exist in this world about Bengali women. Sexualising someone because of your own perceptions or preconceived notions about them is offensive.
Such things are usually said to either ridicule Bengali women by making them feel they’re “just meant for sex” or to actually make sexual advances on them.
The ones who think “openness” is all about how willing one is to have sex must be called out every time they make such objectionable statements. Someone’s open-mindedness can not be equated to how open they are to sex.
Anyone who believes liberation and progressiveness are all about how willing a person is to have sex with them is genuinely perverted, to say the least.
Most Bengali women I know are liberal and progressive. However, that has more to do with how career-oriented, independent and broad-minded they happen to be.
I hear this every time I reject someone’s proposition because, according to them, Bengali women don’t usually do that (what even?)
A Bengali woman doesn’t always refuse to have sex because she’s “shy”. Sometimes, she’s just not interested and sometimes, she can just sense that the person hitting on her is an MCP.
Okay, so Bengali women can’t be lesbians just because they’re feminine?
Also, no one’s under an obligation to prove their sexuality to others. If they say they have a certain sexual orientation, others have to accept it. Period!
And who on Earth even wants to marry those men who feel entitled enough to say such things out loud?
It’s funny how some men think they can manipulate someone into sleeping with them by putting insecurities in their heads about them not being “marriage material”.
There is only one person who gets to decide whether a woman is “marriage material” or not — the woman herself. If she wants to get married, she is capable of doing so and if not, it doesn’t give random men the licence to pressure her for sex.
Do people really think they can validate Bengali women by commenting on their bodies or by telling them they are more attractive than “other women”? If they do, then it’s high time they learn that objectifying someone isn’t the way to earn their respect (and consent).
No matter what you have been taught about Bengali women so far, it is time to unlearn anything and everything that can cause you to strip her of her agency. A woman’s “boldness” can not (and should) not be a sign for you to make her uncomfortable through your judgemental comments and lustful conduct.
Image source: a still from the film Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd.
A dysgraphic writer who spends most of her time watching (and thinking about) Bollywood films. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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