My Husband’s Superstitions Are Hurting Me!

“Oh!” He checks the calendar and says, “It’s Saturday! And you are bound to throw tantrums. I don’t understand, why don’t you let me live in peace!”

Yes, it’s a Saturday and I yearn for a break or a vacation. Is it unfair for a wife to expect a short trip, a loving touch, and a healthy conversation from her husband?

It’s my rumination in my head. I can comprehend how the emotionally neglected girl trapped inside often come out and distort adult expectations and bitter reality. Most of the time I manage to send her back. But there are times I simply cannot. Never mind…

Let me highlight some superstitions that have been hurting me!

• Hardly 2 weeks into the marriage, he laments how the fortune of his friends has skyrocketed after their marriage. Although indirectly hurting me, he openly says he isn’t at all upset about his condition.
• He had matched the horoscopes before marriage, and he had already known how we won’t match in any way. He had every reason to not marry me, but he had defied the predictions to marry me. I should, hence, abide by his laws: as long as I live.
• When my child was one year, and without my consent, his father decided to take us to a reputed astrologer. Why? Because his dear son had complained of growing indifferences between him and his wife, and also his professional dissatisfaction. And what did he predict? Well, my child and I were problems with my husband. We need to tie some dhagas while my husband was given a clean chit. Was it shocking? Not at all! After I vehemently opposed it, they put an end to their side-lining me.
• Ever since the in-laws have come over, matters have gone worse. Suddenly, my husband recognizes me as a bad omen for him and his family. My forlorn face and not wearing, eating, and behaving according to his dictates, are bringing him bad luck. Although they are greater than the 33 crores of Gods, they have humbled themselves to live with their son. Instead of feeling blessed by their presence, I am always whining. Surprisingly, I can only sense strong negative energies in motion!
• He is always screaming ‘my ill fate’, and asking me to leave the house. He is now convinced that if I leave this world, all his blockages will disappear, and he can live happily ever after. If you charge him, he will simply deny or label me as ‘mad’. Now, why the world? Because, that way they can get completely rid of me.

However, whenever I enlist practical solutions to his problems, he flares at me. Now, he is a saint who doesn’t physically abuse his wife. Nonetheless, when I speak my mind, he finds it offensive.

I am trying to create fissures between him and his dear parents. Hence, it is I who provoke him to be corrupt and monstrous.

He is ageing, but I am not, isn’t it?

I should understand that he is ageing. He will get jittery. Moreover, he has stress at work. And, what do I do at home? Simply eat and sleep. Unfortunately, my weight, just like my parents, supports his views.

My friend advised me not to surrender my rights as a wife. I should make him remember that it was he who had willingly married me. And so, he should provide for me. He should also look after my desires and wishes.

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Well… maybe… I laugh heartily. He is always under financial stress. And, it should naturally come upon me that I should go on sacrificing as much as I can to fit in the demands of his parents and child. More than that, I even cringe at asking him for the bare minimum.

How much can, or should, I stoop just for the sake of ‘roti, kapda aur makan’? Delayed gratification doesn’t work always. And, I am fed up with this.

Without the support of my parents or savings, I endure!

I remember, one of my university friends narrating how her parents had planned to take her for vacations before her marriage. I sighed. Although I went to places, my parents mostly thought my husband would take me out. I cannot deny we hadn’t travelled, but it was mostly undertaken to save his image.

Hence, in the name of ‘destiny’, ‘Saturdays-Sundays’, and ‘somebody has done black magic’, I digest innumerable lies daily.

Either I should ignore them (for these are common in every household, and these will continue) or take steps for a legal separation. He is such an open-minded person! He encourages me to step out so that I can experience the brutal world and return to his shelter.

With emotionally unsupportive parents and a zero bank balance, I do know not what and how to do. I hear ‘work upon yourself’ as an ideal solution to any problem, but in this thoroughly toxic environment, I just cannot. I am very low on mental health.

Furthermore, I am having nightmares, and although I close my eyes, I know how I sleep. I cannot eat properly lest he starts taunting me. Furthermore, I am always feeling feverish. I am moving with a persistent head and backache. I live in complete terror.

When the cup is completely empty, you need an external source to refill it and then start pouring from it. And, I am searching for that external source!

Image source: Istock, edited on CanvaPro

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