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People say couples lose their intimacy after having a child. Some might even say that it is because the woman’s body changes drastically or a result of distance between the new parents due to the baby. But is this actually true?
The bedroom feels like a prison now with no escape. All she can do is face the other way and drift into sleep. Probably, imagine themselves in an alternate universe where he still loves her like before. The world she images is just a freckle she can hold onto till the morning sun strokes her hair to be ready for another day.
People say couples lose their intimacy after having a child. Some might even say that it is because the woman’s body changes drastically or a result of distance between the new parents due to the baby. But it makes you think if it’s actually true?
A couple lacks closeness most of the times because the man in the relationship loses his interest in his partner. He notices the woman’s flaws instead of her achievement. And this awkwardness reflects the way the woman perceives her own self after child-birth. If the man shows confidence in his wife, the wife imbibes his positive energy and happiness.
On the other hand, the woman starts experiencing a dramatic drift towards her behaviour, eating habits and life style if she is ignored. After the mother gives birth, the man takes time to switch on to the ‘father mode’. It takes effort and enthusiasm for the male counterpart to adapt to the role of a paternal figure. While a woman becomes a mother as soon as she knows that a tiny life exists inside her. A man achieves this milestone only after feeling the first kick or the first ultra-sound or holding his child for the first time. Females have the ability to mould themselves in the role of a mother much earlier than a man.
In the process of preparing for a new member, men stop noticing the little things their partner does for them. They look at their partners but don’t actually see them. He doesn’t notice the new jeans she is wearing or the new highlights she tried on her hair. The peck on the cheeks which he made sure she got before leaving for work is no more bestowed on her. Maybe that was the highlight of her day. But he thinks she might be too tired for cuddles when she actually might be carving for it.
Being in the same room, he is engrossed in his newspaper or the mobile phone. She might look at him to pour out her heart but he doesn’t even bother to look at her in the eye. She begins to make herself invisible by answering in the subtle tones or wearing ordinary clothes. She tends to believe that she isn’t valued like before.
It is a self-realisation process where she learns to love her new self a little more. The journey ahead seems like a mountain climb but she keeps her head held high and moves on. She is more than a mother, a care-giver, a doctor and a therapist. She is all knowing, image of an angel.
Image source: Pocket Films/ Anamika
She has done her Masters in Commerce from IGNOU. Writing to her is an activity which lets her share her thoughts and feelings to the world. She has been associated with writing since a tender read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
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