I’m A Man But Will Tell A Woman How To Feel About Periods “Don’t Have Negative Thoughts”

Mansplaining may seem harmless or even mildly amusing to an outsider, but at the core of it is the belief that men know better than women, even on subjects where the woman is an expert.

“Bad bad periods and weakness from fever. Not a good start to the year. I don’t like it. I would rather die right now. I have missed work two days already. I’m so weak. My immunity is so hampered.”, posted a woman on Twitter. She did not seek advice, or even sympathy. She was just venting.

But, of course, a man had to come and give her advice. “Why not make the best of it? Do something you love. Make yourself comfortable then curl up with a book, watch a movie, indulge in your fav non greasy snack or a hot cuppa. Whatever you do, don’t entertain negative thoughts. When you look back, you’ll feel good how you overcame this. Best wishes”.

His reply gained far more traction than the original post did. Women (and a few men) questioned his expertise, asked him to shut up and/ or employed sarcasm. Yet, he was unrepentant, and chose not to even delete the post, much less apologise for the unsolicited and erroneous advice.

Everything was wrong with the post

“Why not make the best of it? Do something you love. Make yourself comfortable then curl up with a book, watch a movie, indulge in your fav non greasy snack or a hot cuppa”, is the classic advice you do not give to someone suffering from a mental ill-health. By giving the advice here, the person clearly proved that he doesn’t have even the faintest idea of what period pains are, yet, that didn’t stop him from giving advice. Also, specifying “non-greasy snack” was extremely condescending because it implied that the person is unable to tell the difference between a healthy snack and an unhealthy one. Most importantly, as someone put it, at a time when you are doubled over with period pains, the last thing you can do is to brew yourself a hot cuppa- at the time like that, all you want to do is the basic minimum required to survive.

“Whatever you do, don’t entertain negative thoughts. When you look back, you’ll feel good how you overcame this. Best wishes”, is certainly not something you say to a person who suffers from a recurring physical or mental health issue. You can “feel good” about “overcoming” something that happens once in a lifetime, not something that cripples you for a few days every month. By adding this bit, the person proved he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Yet he did.

This was, of course, a classic case of mansplaining

Mansplaining happens is when a man comments on or explains something to a woman in condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner, even if the man knows less about the subject than the woman does.

Condescending, overconfident, inaccurate, oversimplified. In one 280 character post, the man ticked all the adjectives covered by the word “mansplaining”.

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There are four questions that need to be answered to identify potential mansplaining, and this man failed all four:

  1. Did she ask him to explain? Certainly not. She was just venting, and was not even seeking advice from other women, much less from a man.
  2. Does he have more relevant experience in the matter? Impossible. She has been having periods every month for well over a decade, while he has not even had one. At best, he might have witnessed a loved one going through period pains.
  3. Would most men with her education and experience already know it? The question is not even applicable in this case, because period pain is something only women (and people who menstruate) experience.
  4. Did he ask if she needed explaining? No. He just jumped in with his unsolicited advice.

Any situation where even one of these questions elicits a “no” is a situation of certainly or highly probably mansplaining. The person should have just shup up, but he didn’t.

Why men get away with mansplaining

You would think that people would universally call out a man who is clearly mansplaining, but that was not the case.

Many defended him by saying he could be a gynaecologist- “Why make it about gender. Maybe he is a gynaecologist. There are male gynaecologists too.” Yes, indeed there are male gynaecologists, but we know he is not a gynaecologist because a gynaecologist will know that periods occur every month, and he seems to think it is a one-time occurrence.

Many took exception to the fact that women were asking a man to shut up, and attacked the women who called it out. Just a sample (ranging from the barely coherent to the raving lunatic) will suffice-

“What makes you believe you are an expert? Being feminist is okay, being arrogant feminist is stupid”, was what a medical doctor said. He had clearly forgotten that women get periods every month which certainly makes them greater experts than a man. The other part on feminism is just the general grouse that men have with women who stand up for gender rights.

“That’s pure fascism. You cannot take away the right to expression from someone because you deem him unfit for it”, was another man’s reaction. Apparently giving unsolicited advice on things you know nothing about is merely freedom of expression!

“How can you assume gender? This person may be a gender dyphoric transwoman who identifies as woman. As per wester liberal doctrines, transwoman can have periods, and you are a bigot if you do not acknowledge that.” Trans women can’t have periods, so first get your facts correct. Yes, trans men (not trans women) could continue to have periods, but I am quite certain that that was a generic rant at ‘liberal feminists’ who mess up orderly society as he knows it.

However, worst of all were the women who defended the man

One such person said, “Most men are very aware of period and women issues nowadays and quite caring/sensitive too. I think its great that this guy is being supportive 👍🏼”. While the intention of the person might well have been to be supportive, he certainly has no knowledge of period pains or how they can cripple a person completely. There are other ways to offer support to a woman suffering from period pains than by offering unsolicited and inaccurate advice. The easiest way, of course, would be for him to lobby for period leave in his workplace and to take over the running of the household on days when the women in his family might be incapacitated, but he refused to reply when people asked him if he did either of those things.

Mansplaining may seem harmless or even mildly amusing to an outsider, but at the core of it is the belief that men know better than women, even on subjects where the woman is an expert. This can get particularly insidious at the workplace where mansplaining is a common way to put women down. It is necessary that the person who is being mansplained to stands up against it, and reminds the mansplainer of her superior knowledge of the subject. It is also necessary that others back up the person being mansplained to, instead of trivialising the issue. Women are expected to smile gently when they are mansplained to- it is time we stopped doing that.

Image source: a still from the film Pyaar ka Panchnama

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About the Author

Natasha Ramarathnam

Natasha works in the development sector, where most of her experience has been in Education and Livelihoods. She is passionate about working towards gender equity, sustainability and positive climate action. And avid reader and occasional read more...

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