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I remember this guidance given to me ‘You just need to tell them what is good and what is bad and teach them good values, leave the rest to them, they will figure it out.
One of the definitions that I came across for teenagers caught my eye – Someone who is ready for the zombie apocalypse but not ready for the math test tomorrow. That is as close to the truth that one can get.
There is a common belief that you need to become their friend as they grow older. I would not recommend that. While friendship is important for them during these formative years, they are also going through choosing who they can be friends with and who they can depend upon. That is a stressful process, so at home, they need a friendly parent and not another friend.
Teenagers and the fresh adults don’t need you as a friend. They need a parent.
I see many parents and the children struggling to build a healthy relationship during the formative years. A strong relationship with you helps your teenager feel safe and secure and gives them the confidence to learn and explore especially when they hit the celebrated yet confusing years.
The role of mothers alters with their children’s age and even more during their teens and early adulthood.
Mothers are seen as someone who can provide them that safe place where they can express themselves, discover themselves and discover their path. The questions is always how you make it easy for teenagers as a mom. I have seen the cliched view of when the girl child becomes a teenager, she needs the mom more and the boy child the father. They need you to become a friend.
Parents must play the role of a parent. Teenagers need that safety, they need to feel welcomed, they need to be listened to and guided. I remember this guidance given to me ‘You just need to tell them what is good and what is bad and teach them good values, leave the rest to them, they will figure it out.’
This advice came to me much before my son became a teenager, but it was one of the best that I applied and benefitted from. Of course, like any other mom, I learnt by trial and error and practicing different methods. One thing I know is that I had to be relentless and resilient and frustration or getting agitated over everything they do or say was not going to help anyone. Teenagers the most misunderstood and that doesn’t change right after they move out of their teens as well.
So be that relative that they can turn to, speak to and just approach whenever and wherever they need it.
Image source: a still from the film English Vinglish
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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