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Marriage has existed in and around us for like forever now, and despite the fact that most of us — the young generation, are highly motivated to fall in love, but we are equally reluctant to avoid the concept of marriage.
After we have successfully managed to rant about hunger, dowry, poverty, war, rape, foeticide and the ‘unholy existence of a third gender” (or no gender), we come across the most sought after but hardly comprehended social taboo — marriage.
Men and women both avoid getting hitched because of dependency issues, ironic, isn’t it?
Speaking on behalf of women specifically, some of them will avoid getting married because of traditional taboos like dowry, foeticide and an ambience of unwanted masculinity. Others will avoid so because they are busy breaking stereotypes – “Not having to cook for a man.”
We have most commonly heard, let’s say around ninety percent of the female population around us say – “I need to study to be financially independent so that I don’t have to sit home and cook for a husband or clean his dishes.”
The rest of the ten percent of the female population firmly believes in the fact that work and household are equally challenging, and cooking is an expression of love and not of slavery! That ten percent of the female population is blessed to be married into a less dramatic household.
Life after marriage is not as scary as having to prepare for it, and this is the part where most of the female population give up. This is the end of love and the beginning of a life full of responsibilities.
This pressure builds around the other person in marriage too, but most of the responsibilities fall on women!
Have women exaggerated the concept of having to cook for the family after marriage? Do they hate it? It’s not their job to do it. Certainly, a man can cook better than his better-half, but that’s not his burden to bear.
Another example could be of a woman successfully juggling between her work and home, providing for the family with both financial and emotional stability. Between all this juggling, there is little time left to rekindle the feeling of love and passion.
Marriage kills love.
This is why marriage is the new taboo — an unnecessary one. Have we managed to reverse this?
Yes, almost.
How?
By focusing on the, “getting to know someone before committing” part. So, now you can comfortably know someone, fall in love with them and then happily cook for your family if you want to without resentment.
Irrespective of the fact that some of you—the golden girls, might end up happily ever after, there are many unfortunate ones, who choose voluntarily to be unfortunate because a part of them is reluctant to leave them even though they love to cook.
Image source: Still from the film, Baishe Srabon, edited on CanvaPro
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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