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It never occurred to me that I was taking in more in my plate than I can afford to —every morning I had to decide the week's menu, getting groceries, cooking three times a day, doing schoolwork, pick and drop from school if and when required! And doing laundry, doing dishes, taking my child to play dates and more!
I have never liked doing housework. Growing up, I never really had to do anything. While living alone and working in different cities, I always hired a help for everything housework.
On days when, my help did take an off, I conveniently ordered in takeaways and ate watching a movie or just binge-watching. Life was simple, sorted out. All I had to do was make money, focus on myself, my happiness, and things fell into place.
Years later, when I started a family, I suddenly changed. Maybe it is the subconscious pressure on a woman that worked on me. I decided that I would cook for my family every day, I gave up a well paying job to be with my tiny newborn daughter.
Who would look after the house if the woman of the house did not?
I accepted that stupid reasoning. Also, are we not bombarded by images, ads and societal norms where it is natural for a woman to put herself last?
A few years into this life, I went into a depression. I did not realize why. I was doing what I wanted.
Every morning I had the pressure of deciding the week’s menu, getting groceries, cooking three times a day, doing schoolwork, helping with the pick and drop from school if and when required, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, taking my child to play dates, attending PTA meetings, doing school work, the list is endless.
But it never occurred to me that I was taking in more in my plate than I can afford to.
Then there were those sick days when the child brought in various fever and cold every month. I would always take in the virus from her, as I was the sole care taker on those sleepless nights.
The next day, the housework remained the same. Even on days when I was feeling unwell, the housework, responsibility and pressure of holding up the house remained the same.
I often tried to have a conversation about this with other women. All had the same martyr kind of answer. Women have to keep running to run the house even if they are unwell or not able to cope.
I accepted these societal norms yet again and carried on. After all, who would take care if the woman of the house does not?
This continued until I had a major breakdown. A breakdown that led me to understand that, it is not the job of one person to run a household. It is not fair that a woman has to keep running the house even when she is not well.
That it is insane to set such unhealthy standards on women and expect them to cope up. I realized that when I had been working, I never logged in an extra hour without being paid extra.
Here, for the name of love and the subconscious peer pressure of being an ideal mother, wife and woman, I have been putting my self to unimaginable pressure.
What struck me most is women accepting this as normal. Like seriously, women, where is your common sense? This is a question I want to ask every woman who had told me — women have to go on even when they cannot.
Would you really say the same to your daughters?
Of course not!
The other day I saw a funny reel on Instagram where it showed a wife having 106 degrees fever and taking care of the household, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the child. The next scene shows a husband crawling on the floor because he has a blocked nose.
I wondered why this is supposed to be funny when it’s s clearly inhuman. I would not blame the men here. Because if you say you can cope yourself, why would they not believe you?
After my breakdown, my mother, my husband, and everyone who loved me gave me an expression of ‘I told you so‘.
My mom said, “I have raised three kids, I never worked half as much as you are doing raising one. Where have your common sense gone? Get help where required.”
Do not listen to women who tell you that women are required to go on even when they are not okay. Put your self first. You are a human with your own needs first before you martyr yourself to fit into the image of the ideal woman.
I think women are in this predicament because they are okay with it. While it was well-intentioned, I still hold a grudge against those women who had told me when I was clearly struggling in my new role as a homemaker that it is a woman’s responsibility to go on.
It’s a woman’s responsibility to not be under pressure 24/7. It’s a woman’s responsibility to come out of a situation that is clearly stressing her.
I had a realization the hard way. For those of you who want to go the ideal woman way, kindly note that these beliefs are put in a woman’s mind so that they can be taken advantage of. Or so I think.
The society and men who think their female counterparts are not as much to blame as much as the women who accept these unimaginable standards as their responsibility.
Teach your sons to help with the housework.
Teach your daughters to help around in the house too, but make her understand that it is not her job to clean other people’s mess.
It is not her job to stretch herself so much that she is bordering on breaking, but has to go on just because she is a woman.
Image source: Still from The Great Indian Kitchen
A Social Media Content Writer by profession. A writer by heart. A genuine foodie. Simple by nature. Love to read, create paintings and cook. Have impossible dreams. At the moment, engaged in making those dreams read more...
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What I loved was how there is so much in the movie of the SRK we have known, and also a totally new star. The gestures, the smile, the wit and the charisma are all too familiar, but you also witness a rawness, an edginess.
When a movie that got the entire nation in a twist – for the right and wrong reasons – hits the theatres, there is bound to be noise. From ‘I am going to watch it – first day first show’ to ‘Boycott the movie and make it a flop’, social media has been a furore of posts.
Let me get one thing straight here – I did not watch Pathaan to make a statement or to simply rebel as people would put it. I went to watch it for the sheer pleasure of witnessing my favourite superstar in all his glory being what he is best at being – his magnificent self. Because when it comes to screen presence, he burns it, melts it and then resurrects it as well like no other. Because when it comes to style and passion, he owns it like a boss. Because SRK is, in a way, my last connecting point to the girl that I once was. Though I have evolved into so many more things over the years, I don’t think I am ready to let go of that girl fully yet.
There is no elephant in the room really here because it’s a fact that Bollywood has a lot of cleaning up to do. Calling out on all the problematic aspects of the industry is important and in doing that, maintaining objectivity is also equally imperative. I went for Pathaan for entertainment and got more than I had hoped for. It is a clever, slick, witty, brilliantly packaged action movie that delivers what it promises to. Logic definitely goes flying out of the window at times and some scenes will make you go ‘kuch bhi’ , but the screenplay clearly reminds you that you knew all along what you were in for. The action sequences are lavish and someone like me who is not exactly a fan of this genre was also mind blown.
A new Gallup poll reveals that up to 40% of Indian women are angry compared to 27% of men. This is a change from 29% angry women and 28% angry men 10 years ago, in 2012.
Indian women are praised as ‘susheel’, virtuous and to be emulated when they are obedient, ready to serve others and when they put the wishes of others before their own. However, Indian women no longer seem content to be in the constrictive mould that the patriarchy has fashioned for them. A Gallup poll looked at the issue of women’s anger, their worry, stress, sadness and found that women consistently feel these emotions more than men, particularly in India.
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