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As a woman you're expected to make your parents your second priority, whereas your husband or brother don't have to even have to think about it. This is our social conditioning passed on through generations, to girls.
This is my biggest regret in life. Athough things were not in my hands. I did not realise this harsh reality until this incident happened.
I was in college when I got married, and it was the first time I was coming back to my hometown, Nagpur. It was also my husband’s hometown, which meant it was my in-laws’ hometown too.
So as soon as the train arrived at the railway station, I saw both my parents and my in-laws at the railway station, waiting to receive me. I did not know where to go, but my natural instinct took me to my parents.
My mother held my hand and sent me toward my in-laws, saying, “Go with your in-laws now, and you can come home later.”
I did not express it, but it broke my heart.
I wanted to go with my Mom so that I could feel pampered and enjoy my vacation. But I had to suppress my feelings, and this was the first big change that came to my life after marriage.
You are expected to make your parents your second priority, whereas your husband or brother do not have to think about making their parents their second priority. This is our social conditioning passed on through generations to girls. I realised that we (me and my husband) should have discussed it earlier instead of assuming and making things awkward for everyone.
It was my first experience as a newlywed, having only been married for three months.
Image source: Chitra Singh
This was a constant struggle for me, and I still have empathy for that naive Chitra, who had to share her love and time. Luckily, my parents never complained about me giving them time, but I knew that they used to miss my carefree days with them before my marriage.
Around 6 years after my marriage, my mom passed away. and I couldn’t spend enough time with her before she passed. I still regret that I couldn’t give her enough time because of this back and forth and prioritising my in-laws.
But this incident in my life makes me wonder about where we as women belong? Which is our real home – our parents’ home, our in-laws’ home or the one we make with our partner & children?
I had to leave my roots, and it used to break my heart every time I thought about this. And not only this, but it also gave me a lifetime regret that I couldn’t keep my mother happy.
Don’t spend your life regretting that you didn’t give enough time to those whom you love the most.
I don’t have another chance now, but you surely can do things differently.
This is my story, and I bet there are a 1000 more such stories out there. Do share your story and how you dealt with that situation. So that our upcoming generation does not have to go through this constant dilemma.
What is your story?
First published here.
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