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I was always taught not to talk to my father about "womanly" issues. But I don't see what gender has anything to do with being a capable parent.
I wonder if I am supposed to stand against what’s wrong. Or if I am supposed to answer people who question me on my decisions?
Modernization is darker than it seems, and women are criticized not just because we make our own choices. We are also questioned by the same gender when we stand in favor or against something.
Here is a scenario to clarify what I meant before I am questioned:
I was molested when I was in my 1st grade. Back then, the importance of teaching “good touch” and “bad touch” was not understood that well. Despite that, when the teacher called me into his class and touched me inappropriately, I knew I didn’t want that to happen.
So, I went back home, and while I was playing with my father, I told him what had happened. I told him that I don’t remember what exactly happened, but I would not want to go to school tomorrow. Till here, everything must seem fine. But then comes the questioning part:
People around were not concerned about me being molested. They were instead busy teaching me that I should have talked about the incident with my mother, and not my father. But gender does not define parenthood, does it?
Years later, when I got my first period, I had stains all over my bed. I ran to my father and asked him what I should do. He directed me to the needful, and I did so. Later, he told my mother what had happened.
Again, the focus was not on helping me understand my first period, but rather on teaching me that I was not to discuss things like these with my father.
We live in a society that’s divided. And this division is not made by anyone from the opposite gender. This division is a part of the culture that is imbibed by the youth even today. Sadly, women both old and young practice it.
My question is: when we talk about feminism, don’t we talk about the equality of the feminine feeling with that of the masculine one? Or do we just talk about the superiority of women over everything that a man can also do but is not allowed to?
Is it justified that we tell a daughter not to communicate with her father because she is a woman? Should we keep telling her not to inform the other gender about all her troubles?
Try unlearning everything that binds you within the walls of gender. Everything that’s believed is not necessarily correct. If not for yourself, do it for the next generation.
As for me, I still call my father up when I am in pain during my periods. And he remembers my dates and restocks sanitary napkins for me, while even my mother and I forget it at times.
Image Credit: Screengrab from the movie Shaandar.
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Some time ago, Imtiaz Ali and Hansal Mehta respectively spoke of biopics of Madhubala and Meena Kumari. But do these biopics do justice to these women?
I recently came across a Reddit thread that discussed the fact that filmmaker Imtiaz Ali had announced making a biopic of Madhubala, and I wanted to explore this a little.
Of late, biopics based on the lives of beautiful but fatefully tragic women such as Lady Diana and Marilyn Monroe have created waves. Closer at home, we hear about the possibilities of biopics being made on the lives of Meena Kumari and Madhubala as well. These were hugely famous, stunningly beautiful women who were the heartthrobs of millions; who died tragically young.
I am glad that the Orange Flower Awards seek self-nomination. High achieving women often suffer from self-doubt, and this is a good way to remind us that we are good enough.
A few days ago, I saw an Instagram post announcing the Orange Flower Awards which recognise the power of women’s voices. I read about it with curiosity, but didn’t give it a second thought.
I received an e mail from Women’s Web seeking self-nominations for the Orange Flower Awards, and I ignored it. Yes, I write occasionally, but I didn’t think my work was good enough for me to nominate myself in any of the categories.
A past winner especially tagged me and asked me to look at nominating myself, and I told her that I was not ready yet. “That is up to you”, she said, “but I think you should nominate yourself.”
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