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My MIL has always bullied me. After my FIL’s demise, naturally her trips to our place have increased. I understand her need to get emotional support from her son. But I am not able to adjust.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, depression, and suicidal thoughts, and may be triggering for survivors.
Self love, self-respect, taking care of oneself etc are much talked about things in current times and for all the right reasons. I too believe in all of these. But it is coming at a cost to me. If I am giving importance to myself then someone I love is getting hurt. And I am a harsh critique of myself for I keep judging my actions all the time.
This leads to a lot of mess in my head, making me feel sad, withdrawn all the time. I do not see a way out of this. I want to love and spend time with people who matter to me. But somehow I am not able to do that. I do not like to fake emotions and hence clearly express how I feel especially to my husband. I have heard a lot that one should not be completely transparent with their spouse but then again, I am not able to refrain myself.
I do have issues with my mother-in-law. She is a very self-centric person who only cares to love herself. And life threw a big googly at me some time ago. Unfortunately, my father-in-law passed away last year, a very bad thing to happen with my husband’s family. Also, in the last one year my husband and I have drifted apart from each other. His intention is to balance both sides and I am very aware of the efforts he is putting in. But somehow things are not getting on track despite all efforts.
His mother is a very smart lady who knows to manipulate things for her own benefit. I do feel even today that my duty tells me to have my MIL stay with us but I have not been comfortable when she is around in the same house. Some sense of pause my life takes. And this feeling is real, I am not exaggerating this at all.
My husband feels that I am incompetent and incapable of managing this small thing. And now I feel completely stuck in life. On one side I don’t feel comfortable when she is around, on other hand I feel I am wrong for feeling like this. I love my husband but the package that he has brought with himself feels like a burden to me. I am sounding very selfish. But I feel so weird from within that I cannot explain. I do get suicidal thoughts.
I am the only child of my parents and have been brought in a decently progressive environment. My father had a concern with our marriage as my husband’s family is not very well off and we belonged to a business family. He finally overlooked this thing as my husband was a great person. Little did I realise then that his mother is going to compensate for all his goodness.
We have been married for two and a half years, and the first year of my marriage was like a horror story. I had never felt less welcomed at any point in my life. My MIL is an egoist, and she did not leave a chance to bully me. I have never received any mental/ emotional/ physical support from her till date. But I was still okay as I thought as long as she is staying away, I should be able to manage things.
But after my FIL’s demise, naturally her trips to our place have increased. I understand her need to get the emotional support from her son. But I am not able to adjust. My husband is saying I should ignore things which I am not able to.
People advise that you should keep negative people far away from your life. But I cannot do that. I am really in an ethical dilemma. What should I do?
Sometimes I think it would be better to die in an accident. What do I do?
If you or anyone you know is feeling depressed or suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669 Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050 Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704 Sahai, Bangalore: 080-25497777 Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001 SPEAK2us – Tamilnadu 9375493754
Image source: Still from short film Sanskari Bahu/JK Chopra films via YouTube
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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