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I just ended an emotionally abusive relationship and feel so much lighter; I should have done this long ago!
Trigger warning: This deals with verbal and emotional abuse, and may be triggering for survivors.
Please remember that abuse can occur more subtly than physical or sexual violence.
Even though most of us tend to think of intimate partner violence when we think of domestic abuse, let’s not forget that people can be abused in their other relationships, too.
Parents, grandparents, siblings, in-laws, uncles, aunts, and even friends. Our abusers can take many shapes and forms.
Recently, during my trip to Kolkata, I’d finally put a stop to an emotionally abusive relationship. I wouldn’t go to the details because it’s such a tired cliché.
But I just wanted to share this report here because I’d given similar reasoning when someone very close to me said that I’d have to deal with this abusive person for “just a few days”.
Perhaps, the decade of this behavior that had slowly chipped at my self-esteem and self-worth and triggered unimaginable anxiety made me realize this. But my answer was something similar to the findings of this study.
“What if X burned my skin or slapped me every time I met them? Would this reasoning of tolerating them for a few days still hold? Then how come the wounds that come with verbal and emotional abuse are treated so lightly?”
The irony is that these emotional scars don’t even heal in a linear manner, mainly because they are mostly left unacknowledged by our loved ones and sometimes, also by us.
How many times have you let someone gaslight you into thinking that maybe, if you just hadn’t done or said the wrong thing, things would’ve been better?
How often have you walked on eggshells around a person? Doing or saying little, anxiously pretending to be someone you’re not, just so they don’t lose their temper?
How often have you questioned your self-worth and felt robbed of your self-esteem because of their harsh words?
This is a reminder that verbal and emotional abuse is real. It has its own way of leaving permanent scars and harming our psyches.
Being a spiritual person, I strive to not let other people’s behaviour affect me. But that never means that we won’t draw strict boundaries, especially when it comes to our close relations, and not let certain people overstep them no matter how close they are.
This is also a reminder to everyone who uses verbal abuse unthinkingly.
You have no idea the extent of damage you’re causing to the other person. Please understand and stop.
Image source: a still from short film Juice
The two most important drivers in my life are creativity and compassion. I love to create my own imaginary (and sometimes not so imaginary) world through my words. I believe that the entire Universe is read more...
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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