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Raise Boys Better For Future Men To Understand— No Means No

They had a verbal spat, and then Madhu sat down and thought and realized what the main issue was. Rohan usually had a habit of listening yes from her. The moment she disagreed with him, he got angry.

It was a usual Sunday morning. Madhu had badly hurt her leg few days back and was trying to take some rest as she was supposed to attend a family function two days later.

The swelling on her leg refused to budge or reduce, which put her in a dilemma. She wasn’t sure how if she would recover enough to be fit in two days and attend the family function.

Finally, she decided to address the elephant in the room and have a word with her husband, Rohan.

She was mentally preparing herself for all the drama that would follow later.

Why is there a lack of compassion in men?

As expected, her husband just got pissed off and had an outburst. He started blaming her for not being considerate enough and being a heartless and inhumane person. She was bewildered as she couldn’t understand what unforgivable crime she had committed?

Just because she said no to a family function from her in-laws as she was in pain, how did she become the heartless one?

When will men understand no means no?

They had a verbal spat, and then Madhu sat down and thought and realized what the main issue was. Rohan usually had a habit of listening yes from her. The moment she disagreed with him, he got angry.

This made her think why men, especially Indian men, can’t take a NO for an answer? Whether it’s in bed or even in an argument, they get furious when they get a no in answer.

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This somehow goes back to how Indian men are raised. Being the boy, the khandaan ka chiraag, the lamp of the lineage, they are entitled to almost every possible thing the family can provide.

Their sisters on the other hand have to settle for less and always compromise for them. Since childhood, boys are raised with this thought process that women are the sacrificial lambs, as they have seen their mothers doing so since their childhood.

Why do mothers always eat last?

It’s the mother who will always have the last chapatti (which usually becomes soggy and moist), so that her family eats the good ones. She will always give up on her dreams, career to take care of the family.

The Indian bahu is viewed in such a way that no matter how highly educated she is or doing the best in her career, she should readily give up on her job if the family demands so.

If she says a no, she is labelled as asanskaari a culture rebel.

Her upbringing is questioned if she takes a stand for herself. After all, Indian women are supposed to say yes to every decision the family makes, even if it is related to her future.

When will she have kid, can she work after marriage! If she can wear western clothes! All these decisions are taken by the elderly in the family, to which a sanskaari Indian bahu always agrees.

Boys grow up watching flawed examples

The moment she decides to take a stand for herself and says No, it pisses off the whole family. This was not expected from her. It’s not the culture of an Indian woman.

Men have seen their mothers, sisters, aunts sacrificing and compromising for them at every stage of their life and have been conditioned to accept this as reality.

So it really stings them badly when they hear a no from their spouse. They just can’t take it.

Teach boys that women should not sacrifice for others’ comfort

The problem is with us. The way we raise our sons. We need to teach them to take a no right from early childhood. They should understand this; that sacrifice and women don’t go hand in hand. Women have the right to say a no and place their point of view.

The day we raise such sons will be the day our daughters will not be labelled rebel and asanskaari for saying a NO and putting themselves first before everyone.

Image Source: Still from the film Thappad and BarusMima via Canva Pro

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dietitian Nilofar

I am a dietitian by profession,blogger by passion. I regularly blog on health,fitness and mental and physical wellbeing.For more such interesting articles watch this space. read more...

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