If you are a professional in an emerging industry, like gaming, data science, cloud computing, digital marketing etc., that has promising career opportunities, this is your chance to be featured in #CareerKiPaathshaala. Fill up this form today!
Parents, however educated and loving, still rebuff married daughters if they opine. Everyone including parents prefer them to be docile and silent.
Living in this era, in a metro city, we often feel that subjugation of women is of earlier times or remote places; but sadly, women’s subjugation exists very much in the metros and amongst well earning educated women.
It is not physical or violent, but covered under the layers of respect, marriage, adjustment, values, traditions etc. What is the underlying reason? Well, daughters are still treated as paraya dhan, they are left to fend for themselves once they are married.
Most parents believe that in order to uphold their stature and respect in society, the daughter should “adjust and make things work”, whatever the cost. Sad, but true. Anyone is strong and supported by others, if their parents support them. But after a daughter is married, she is expected to keep quiet, and is pushed out of her safe place.
Parents, however educated and loving, still rebuff daughters if they opine. Everyone including parents prefer daughters who are docile, numb and silent. If you try to share your frustrations about any situation, your mother will be first one in many cases to shut you out.
Society prefers silent torment than listening and empathising. Parents and society making daughters feel small and difficult, when they try to share their problems, is very common in Indian societies. “You are overreacting!” “What’s wrong with you, you don’t know how to adjust, this is how family works!” is what you get answered most of the time.
This is a generational trauma that women pass on to each other, we normalise the silence, the emotional traumas, the inequality. “Ladki ko hi adjust karna hota hai” (a girl must adjust) is a statement we all as women have heard.
What’s different with my generation is that we no longer want to carry on the generational trauma, we want to break the chain, we want change; and change my dear friend, comes at a cost.
Our generation is paying the cost and we are ready to. We are brave, we have been brought up by our parents to speak up and continue to do so even after we are married, even if this speaking up is rebuked by the same parents once we are married. We are out on our own. Fighting against the wrong attitude of “adjust karlo” against society, against our elders, against our own parents.
And I would gladly pay this cost if it makes the life of the next generation easier. I see change between the attitude of my parents and that of the next decade born and I am glad that its a positive change.
I am happy that they have their safety net. Yes, we are better off that the last decade born, but there is a long journey to equality, and that will happen if people stop asking women to adjust, for physical torture, emotional or mental. The idea is to listen to our daughters, what they have to say, without judging them, interrupting them, without silencing them. Let them have a safe place where they feel heard, even after marriage. This will help her in sorting her feelings, being confident, taking right decisions, and having a good mental health.
When my daughter was born, the first promise I made to her was that I would support her through anything, that I would listen when she wants to say something or share her feelings and opinions, that I would be patient and empathise with her, and never ask her to “adjust.”
Image source: a still from the film Provoked
Experimenting with experiences is the mantra of my life. Writing is a passion that helps me channel my emotions and recreate memories, publish points of view and create stories. A self-proclaimed creative soul, I read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People have relationships without marriages. People cheat. People break up all the time. Just because two people followed some rituals does not make them more adept at tolerating each other for life.
Why is that our society defines a woman’s success by her marital status? Is it an achievement to get married or remain married? Is it anybody’s business? Are people’s lives so hollow that they need someone’s broken marriage to feel good about themselves?
A couple of months ago, I came across an article titled, “Shweta Tiwari married for the third time.” When I read through it, the article went on to clarify that the picture making news was one her one of her shows, in which she is all set to marry her co-star. She is not getting married in real life.
Fair enough. But why did the publication use such a clickbait title that was so misleading? I guess the thought of a woman marrying thrice made an exciting news for them and their potential readers who might click through.
Imposter Syndromes is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence. There are 6 types of Imposter Syndrome.
Do you tend to be overly critical of yourself? Don’t worry, you are not alone.
Even after writing eleven books and winning several prestigious awards, Maya Angelou doubted that she had earned her accomplishments. Albert Einstein also described himself as an involuntary swindler whose work did not deserve the attention it had received.
Feeling inadequate, unworthy, and undeserving of success, along with the fear of being exposed as a fraud, is called the imposter syndrome.