Whose Fault Is It When A Married Man Has An Affair?

When it comes to a relationship considered illicit by society, in most cases, the blame and shame are thrown at the woman alone. 

When there is an illegitimate relationship among heterosexual couples, the blame always goes against the woman. The sentence is very harsh for her, whereas the man gets away with light punishment or just a warning from his wife or family. 

We come across many shocking crimes against women every day in the news, especially when it involves something related to a relationship. That is just the tip of the iceberg. We can never guess how many such crimes go unreported. When we just think we have seen it all, something new rears its ugly head, surpassing what we have come across before. 

I am talking about the recent incident in Hyderabad, where the wife of an IAS aspirant hired five men to rape a woman she suspected of having an affair with her husband. That it happened in her home, while the victim’s parents were waiting for her outside is very shocking.

Why did she not confront her husband, when he is the one responsible and answerable to her? Will attacking the lady she doubted of having an affair with her husband, stop him completely? If he can cheat on her with one woman, he can do it again. Did this anger she showed towards the other woman resolve all the issues she had in her marriage?

Rather than giving in to anger, frustration, and hatred, it is better to find a solution. I am not sure what was in her mind when she took this drastic step. Maybe she thought that filming the rape and threatening the victim would keep her away from her husband and fearing for her reputation, she wouldn’t lodge a complaint. There is no other explanation for her behaviour if the complaint against the wife holds true.

But what assurance do these wronged women who take out their anger on the ‘other woman’ have that the husband wouldn’t repeat the behaviour with some other woman? For ages, in fiction, in mythology, and in our real society, it is always the woman who faces the wrath of an extra-marital affair. No matter whether she is married, or unmarried, whether the man is married or unmarried – the blame is always thrown at the woman.

Leave alone the cases where she is in a consensual relationship, even when the woman is subject to molestation, harassment, or rape, she is blamed. Recently, a video had gone viral where a mother of a toddler was beaten, molested, and paraded in public because a teen, with whom she refused a relationship committed suicide.

We need a change in this thought process where women are blamed, shamed, and shunned for their illicit relationships whereas the man involved gets away easily. Gender shouldn’t be the determination of this. At least the women shouldn’t take the drastic step of hiring men or encouraging them to rape any other woman.

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Rape is one of the biggest factors which has held women back. The fear of rape is very high even among women in their twilight years. From teens to those in their silver years, most women fear sexual harassment. Every woman should understand this sensitive issue and prevent it as much as possible. I hope and pray that we never get to read of such incidents again, where women promote rape. 

Featured image is a scene from the Hindi movie Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

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About the Author

Farida Rizwan

I am Farida Rizwan, 55, Counselor and Psychotherapist working as Senior Curriculum Developer with Chimple Learning. I am ardent blogger @www.chaptersfrommylife.com and share my life experiences of surviving breast cancer 3rd stage for read more...

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