Paromita Bardoloi Tells Women Not To Sacrifice Everything For The Sake Of Love

Heartfelt, emotional, and imaginative, Paromita Bardoloi’s use of language is fluid and so dreamlike sometimes that some of her posts border on the narration of a fable.

Her words have the power to touch the reader while also delivering some hard hitting truths. Paromita has no pretences in her writing and uses simple words which convey a wealth of meaning in the tradition of oral storytellers – no wonder, Paro is a much loved author on Women’s Web.

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“I am a student of life”

Paromita tells us about her childhood, while lounging in a sleepy town in Assam on a rainy day.  “I was born and brought up in Assam. A small town hidden in the bosom of tea gardens. I was growing up in a time when the internet or the smart phones were yet to invade our lives. There were few telephones and televisions. I was raised in India, where your major sustenance came from humans. I was raised in a joint family.”

I think I am a student of life. A good one. I am the one who goes to class each day, lessons prepared and sit to take notes. Some days, I slay it, some days I have to repeat the class. If I slay, I share my notes with others. That, in brief, is the story of my life. An ongoing odyssey.”

Paromita recalls when in grade three she used to sit near the window, and just next to her school wall was a slum. She’d watch the children there play with stick and marbles. She’d observe the hustle bustle of the slum.  “Someone would get drunk. Someone would fight. Girls married early. Boys drank early. Too many young mothers. Too many angry men.

 You know, I never liked formal schooling. My parents dragged me through it. And that’s a privilege. I had a book and pen in my hand. They had sticks and marbles. Kids my age. I am here giving an interview. And I am sure most of them are aging too fast. Or getting drunk. At grade three, I knew this wasn’t right. I did not know how to articulate it. But something felt unfair. In a country like ours where the inequalities are so vast, I sometimes feel success is a privilege laden gift.”

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So, I sat on the third bench, and if I looked straight ahead, I saw a bridge. It connected our town to a tea garden. Traffic will be sparse. Almost negligible. After our recess at 10: 30 am. When our 3^rd period would start, 

I always noticed an old man with white hair cycling through the bridge. He would go at around 10:30 am and return back at 11:30 am, almost. I never tried to know who he was. But that memory of seeing him in the rain or sun everyday stayed with him. He either wore a white or cream shirt, a brown or a black pant. Some days he would carry a black umbrella. He was slow and a little hunchback.

Now it feels like grief. Like that grief that strikes you at a certain point. It looks so the same. And it slowly travels in and away. That man now signifies grief. Grief is slow and hunchbacked.

Writing as a gatekeeper of sanity

Paromita started writing at the age of eight. “Maybe I felt so much, I started writing. I wrote my first poem when I was eight. Despite all my social skills, deep down, I am an introvert. My inability to express myself turned me into a writer. Writing is my gatekeeper of sanity.”

I still remember the summer evening, I was on my way back from work. I saw someone sharing a post that said, “Women’s Web looking for blog writers.” I was looking for a place where I can talk about myself. Everyone’s life is so rich. Memoirs make such a rich piece of literature. It is a part of our lived experiences. And we all have it. Women’s Web allowed us to speak our stories. Ordinary women’s stories. And that’s how my journey with Women’s Web started. Rest as they say is history.

Paromita works independently as a content strategist, healer and writer. She loves her work and self admittedly is borderline obsessed with it. It is something she loves talking about.

“I run two initiatives, “Letter From A Stranger, India and Let’s Huddle India.” I work as a writer and a healer. My first book is getting out very soon. Plus, I am a spoken word artist.

I know that question, how do you manage it all? Let me break it down. My bread and butter come from writing and healing. Rest I do whenever I can.

“Nothing beats a woman who is a 10” and other life advice

Paromita through her life journey has learned many lessons, she shares some nuggets of wisdom with all women.

“This is my first advice to all women. If you can and are able, make your own money. Learn to keep and grow it. Money will do for you what your lovers can’t. It will give you the basic dignity of life.

You might hate me for saying this. But money changes relationships and your everyday politics of life. If money is very unimportant to someone it means, they have someone earning it for them or they already have enough. I have lived long enough to know how money supports and nurtures me.”

She encourages young women to not be naive when it comes to love, finances and relationships. And that love is not all it takes to lead a happy life. “Love is wonderful, and money adds wheels to it. Trust me when I am telling you this.” she says.

“Second advice I can give is: Keep upgrading your skills. Nothing beats a woman who is a 10. If you know your job and can get the job done well, you are an asset. Learn to use the internet well. No matter what you are thinking of doing, someone is already doing something similar.”

Paromita goes on to add, “Watch videos, listen to podcasts. Hire a mentor if you can. If you cannot, there are a plethora of YouTube videos. Listen on repeat. Your mind will start looking for similar opportunities. That’s why you need to hear success stories more. The brain wires itself to find success.

I am such a fan of podcasts. I hear it each day. These days I am hearing a lot about money and how to invest it. I have invested in a few courses that enhance my skills. So everything I do is an investment. And it always grows. Do your affirmations on success and self worth. If you don’t know about it, YouTube it. Life reaps what you sow. You will never regret enhancing yourself!”

Never undermine your skills!

Paromita encourages women to speak their minds and ask for what they are worth. And never hesitate to voice their opinions for life is gives back to only those who have the courage to take chances.

“Last but not the least. Do not undermine your skills. Ask for that raise. Ask for that promotion. Be very careful of offering free labour, also free emotional labour. Historically women have done free labour, its time to break that chain!”

“And most importantly, once your lessons are learnt and you have cracked a code, pass the notes to another woman. The world as a whole is designed for cis gendered man to win and live. We were always on the edges. Anytime you find your space, share notes on that. That’s what leaders do. And lord knows we need more and more women leaders in the public spaces. True we might not see the fruits of our labour, but someone will. And we make that dent today.”

Paro’s most popular piece with us is about raising confident daughters Raising A Confident Daughter: 6 Positive Ways To Raise A Daughter

Other popular posts 

• A feminist retelling of Draupadi’s story Draupadi’s Million Daughters Will Now Ensure That She Won’t Go Into Exile Again

• On how patriarchy keeps women divided and what we can do about it We Are All One Girl, One Woman: Let’s Celebrate Her Voice, Not Shut It Up!

• “Maa, I am sorry I did not tell you that I was going for a night walk. I always do, but now I just had to do it, for her” here Paro writes about her experience at a women’s midnight walk in remembrance of Nirbhaya 16th Dec 2018: For Nirbhaya, 30 Women Walked From Anupam Theatre To Munirka Bus Stop

• An enlightening chat with a woman who works as a sex call operator Yes, I Am A Sex Call Operator – Do You Know What I Really Do?

• Here she encourages women to be assertive and drop the “good girl” role that keeps us mute and suppressed Why I Don’t Want To Be A ‘Good’ Indian Girl

• Lessons on love at the age of 30 What I Learnt About Love At The Grand Old Age Of 30… That It’s Over-rated

• Sound advice to women before they get married 8 Things Every Woman Must Know Before Getting Married: These Can Be Your Life Saver

• The gut wrenching account of a male survivor of child sexual abuse who was abused for 11 years He Was Gang Raped For 11 Years As A Child: Yes, Boys Get Raped Too

• An open letter to single women to enjoy their freedom and choices To The Single Woman From The Street Corner: A Letter From The Painted, Dented Woman

• How Shah Rukh Khan taught young girls to raise their standards in all aspects of life especially relationships What Shahrukh Khan Taught A Generation Of Young Girls

• Isn’t it inhuman to make women wait till marriage to have sex? Paro ponders in this insightful piece I Was A 30 Year Old Virgin, Unmarried, And Here Is What I Did About My Secret Sexual Fantasies

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