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Has anyone ever experienced this feeling of momentary blankness, an involuntary paralysis, when faced with a horrific, unknown situation? As if frozen.
Trigger Warning: This deals with rape, gender based violence, extreme reactions to trauma, and may be triggering to survivors.
Why do many victims of sexual violence not react? have you given some real thought to this question?
“If she didn’t scream and didn’t run away, it’s because she wanted it too.” “Why didn’t she report it earlier?” “It took her so long to go to the police. Really?” “Just because I dumped her, she is painting me as an abuser!”
Wrong conclusions. And the victim is discredited.
We react to a threat with one of 4 things – fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
The absence of resistance on the part of a victim of sexual violence is often confused with consent, when it is clearly a ‘freeze’.
It is necessary to clarify that sexual violence is a potentially traumatic experience.
Has anyone ever experienced this feeling of momentary blankness when faced with a horrific, unknown situation?
In the above context, and despite the expectation that victims of violence will fight or flee, many report a feeling of involuntary paralysis. As if they were frozen. And they don’t scream, they don’t move, they don’t fight, and they don’t try to escape. They remain quiet and rigid in the face of the aggressor. “Many victims report a feeling of instinctive paralysis. As if they were frozen.”
On the other hand, many victims of sexual violence could manifest so-called dissociative reactions, when part of their mind or body becomes separated (dissociated) from the consciousness of the person as a whole. When the victim feels very scared and cannot physically escape from a situation, they may dissociate.
These are just a few examples of how victims explain this dissociative process, which turns out to be a defence and survival mechanism. It helps the person deal with the traumatic event. However, these reactions can become especially problematic when they start to occur in response to other events or certain memories. Yes, that happens too. Example: In the case of losing a close person, a certain disconnection with reality may take place.
It is important to emphasise that the reaction to an extreme situation such as sexual violence depends on several variables, and we cannot, therefore, expect it to be the same for all people. Thus, rather than focusing on what the victim “should” or “could” have done, confusing the absence of a fight-or-flight response with informed consent, we must actively listen to the narrative that each victim brings to us, necessarily unique and singular, without value judgments or blame.
And always avoiding asking the ill-fated question, “So, why didn’t you scream or run away?”
Image source: pixabay
Bindiya is a linguist and works for a diplomatic mission in New Delhi. She is a published author, reluctant poet, passionate bibliotherapist and a happiness harbinger. Her heart beats in her community-building volunteer organization - “ read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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