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He said that he needed sometime to himself. I waited for him as any other woman would have done, and I gave him his space, I didn't want to be the clingy one.
Trigger Warning: This deals with mental trauma and depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
I am someone who believes in honesty and trust; I trust people easily and I think most of the times this habit of mine turns into a bane.
This is a story of how a matrimonial website service turned into a nightmare for me, already traumatized by the two relationships I’ve had. It’s a story for every woman who lives her life on the principles of honesty and trust.
Last year, after my second relationship failed, my parents asked me to make a profile on a reputed matrimonial website, as they thought “it’s high time” that I should get married.
I met a few people there, and faced many abominable questions, showing me the mindset of so many Indians.
I remember one was “are you a virgin?” even though my status is that of a divorcee; I mean despite knowing the fact, how could someone ask such a question? I was amazed at his audacity and blocked him instantly.
The other one was even more disgusting. The guy called and asked for a video call just to check whether I look the same as in my pictures or not. Anyway I received the call and he saw me for like 2 seconds and cut the call. He called me again in the evening to tell me that he “saw saw me as his wife in his dream, and so he masturbated with my picture on his screen!” And he had the audacity to tell me about this disgusting act of his.
Then there was this guy M on the website who pinged me on WhatsApp. We clicked immediately and I eventually thought that I have found my soulmate, the perfect one, but that turned into a nightmare for me.
After long chats initially, he began calling me at least thrice a day. He used to call me his “someone special”, his alter ego. I was scared to accept that love came to me so easily, I was pretty much afraid of falling in love again. I was not letting my guard down, but he gave me hope that this time nothing would go wrong.
What we had was pretty much mutual, but I don’t know what got into him and he suddenly cut off with me. We talked for about three months and then all of a sudden he stopped calling, saying that he has to take care of his mom and dad as his father got infected by COVID. I was there for him at every step and I supported him as I could at that time.
He said that he needed some time to himself. I waited for him as any other woman would have done, and I gave him his space; I didn’t want to be the clingy one. But I think I shouldn’t have waited for him, because all the mental agony and trauma I went through again was excruciating.
He didn’t talk to me for over a month and half. One night when he pinged me quite late at night, I felt sick, as if my gut was saying something, and I had this feeling that something has changed. It had.
He was not calling me just because he wanted to talk to me, but because he was in a mess. He had fallen for someone else. All the time I was waiting for him, he was falling for some other woman. He had friend zoned me.
Although he said sorry many times, something broke inside me, and for a while I wasn’t able to concentrate on anything. I went into mental trauma again and this time it was really bad; I had to see a psychiatrist. My agony and trauma just piled up and I started doubting myself. I felt that I was unworthy of love and respect, as if I had no self respect left. I spent many sleepless nights; I became a zombie then.
I’m writing this now because I am feeling stable and normal after a long time, and I even gave him back some of what he deserves. He literally asked for forgiveness in a way I’ve always wanted him to ask. I cut off with him and finally I regained my self respect.
I am writing this because people have made such sites their dating playground. They are not at all serious for the purpose of matrimony, they want such sites for entertainment and time pass, at least my experience was a nightmare. Why can’t they go to plain dating sites for this, where at least the immediate intention isn’t marriage?
It’s a shoutout to women and girls – beware of such things and people.
I’m a woman in my early thirties, preparing for state civil services, once divorced and faced some dire situations in life, though those situations have made me strong in the process, I would love read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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