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Toxic people act as vampires that suck out all the positive energies from a space, replacing it with negative energy that they emit.
Many of the ancient schools of spirituality in the east believe that all of life is an exchange of energies. And the energies around us influence the way we feel, live and even our health. Toxic people act as vampires that suck out all the positive energies from a space, replacing it with negative energy that they emit, leaving everyone around them drained emotionally. We have all come across at least one person in our life around whom we feel perpetually fatigued. It could be a co-worker, a family member, a classmate or even a partner. In my case, it’s a family member.
Imagine a day that is important to you – an anniversary, a birthday, or maybe even a festival. You wake up in the morning looking forward to the day, planning what you would like to do. And then those plans go for a toss because there is one toxic person who will suck out all the energy from around you with their remarks, till you feel too tired to carry out the plans you made. After this happened to me yesterday, on my 40th birthday, due to a family member I live with, I thought about how I could have handled the day, and the situation differently. Here are some thoughts.
“You need a thousand bulbs to light up the night sky, but just one to dispel the darkness.” Toxic people often have such strong negative auras around them that it overpowers any positive energy that others might transmit. Just as we need to edge closer to the one bulb glowing in the dark to see light, similarly we need to focus on the positive people around us to get back our lost energy. In my case, I could have shifted focus to wishes from my husband, kid, siblings, relatives and parents, and the dozens of messages I received from friends and co-workers.
Most toxic people will use a lot of emotional manipulation to make sure you are as miserable as them. The first instinct in such cases is to help them out, show them compassion and try to infuse them with positivity. But doing this with no result for too long will leave one’s mind with irreversible damage. Know the point at which you have to break it off with such a person. You may not be able to physically move away from them. But learn to mentally move away from such people. This will also help you to do better.
Toxic people are often toxic for a reason. This holds for 90% of the cases, in which case you can be compassionate and try to nudge them towards things that will help address the root cause. But if, like me, you are stuck with a person who falls into the remaining 10%, where even after a prolonged time you are unable to figure out the root cause of their behaviour, then go back and read (2), and be compassionate to yourself, since you’ve tried your best.
Often when the negativity of one person overpowers the positivity that others bring, a feeling of despair sets in and to counter that one gives in even to unreasonable demands, just to maintain some semblance of peace. However, this respite is temporary and eventually, it will leave you with a feeling of lack of self-respect. So, if you have a toxic person around you, call out their toxic behaviour, else it might harm more people than just you. If like me, you do not like being confrontational, then this can be a tough call, but know that it will be in your own best interests.
What are the techniques that you use to manage toxic people around you?
Image Credits: Ben White on Unsplash
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
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The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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