It’s His Child Too; Should I Give My Spouse A Medal For Simply Doing His Work As A Partner & Father?

Of course I am grateful for him being this supportive, but shouldn’t it be pretty normal? Gender equal parenting is so underrated in our country. It’s his daughter too.

Whatever we are when young, once you enter the institution of marriage you are a changed person. And your life turns upside down once you have a child.

I was never ready for a baby but it was my husband’s wish to continue our unplanned pregnancy. Though I don’t regret it a bit now, it wasn’t what I envisioned in my life this soon.

My husband is very supportive. He helped me a lot during my pre and post partum. After my delivery he spent many nights staying awake with me. He took care of my episiotomy stitches and helped me a lot mentally. It was he only who literally rescued me from slipping into postpartum depression.

During this period I encountered two types of people. One who supported his actions and one who rebuked his actions brazenly.

Now you must be thinking that the earlier ones are the good eggs of the basket, but let me iron it out for you – that they were the most perilous of the bunch.

Ones who clearly rebuked him had the safe excuse of ‘Generation Gap’. It must be clear to you now who they were. These women never had men help them. In fact they had a very doltish rule that a husband is not allowed anywhere near his wife till 6 weeks of her post partum period are over. Like seriously dude?! Of course it must have been hatched by some sinister patriarchal mind to free himself of any kind of obligation he ought to have shown to the new mother and child. So accepting their dissimilitude wasn’t that arduous.

But the one who supported him left me knocked for six. I know, I know, I have confused you readers with this. So let me not beat around the bush and be forthright. They praise him and tell me how lucky I am, that my husband is helping me. How lucky my little girl is.

I’d like to quote someone here who said to me – “tujhe toh uske pair dhokr peene chiye”. (you should fall at his feet).

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

Like, really? He’s now doing me a favour?!

So guys I should be saying thank you to my husband for taking care of me. Do we get thanks for every single time we take care of them? Yeah, I thought so.

And then I should be thanking a father for taking care of his daughter? A daughter we both decided to have. Why does only one partner get a major share of duties leading to her mental and physical breakdown, and the other gets a free pass just because ‘conventionally’ he is not suppose to do these things?

Of course I am grateful for him being this supportive, but shouldn’t it be pretty normal? Gender equal parenting is so underrated in our country. She’s his daughter too. If he decides to do things for her that’s his duty. I appreciate his assistance, but that doesn’t mean I should be touching his feet!

When will our society normalize this? It’s like appreciating a guy for not hitting a girl or assaulting her. That’s just decent human behaviour. You are not going to be pinned a medal for acting human.

I recently read it that “We have begun to raise daughters more like sons, but few have the courage to raise their sons like daughters.”

Women are not going to be equal outside the home until men are equal inside it.

The best thing a man can do for his children is respecting and loving their mother. I was the ‘fortunate’ one to have such a husband who gave zero hoots to this, but how many of us our are that ‘lucky’?

Remember it’s supposed to be parenthood; not just motherhood or fatherhood.

Image source: annakraynova Free for Canva Pro

Liked this post?

Join the 100000 women at Women's Web who get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads - you can also start sharing your own ideas and experiences with thousands of other women here!

Comments

About the Author

1 Posts | 1,564 Views

Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!

""
All Categories