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Why is being single considered to be a vulnerable state or a state of being dependent, weak, and unprotected? And more importantly, what do these men think what 'help' they are intending to offer?
Time is changing but slowly. The perspectives are shifting from the conservative approach to a more logical and practical approach. And that is where we are finding people taking things which were considered to be a taboo at some point of time, as a ‘possibility’ that can happen with anyone, or maybe a ‘right to choose’.
The shift in the approach and mindset is moving a sloth walk but yes, the changes are occurring. Needless to say, there are certain things which are yet to change specially for woman who are single; single by choice or single by circumstances.
Nobody know what anyone is destined for, and so is the concept of marriage. Marriage has always been an ultimate goal specially in Indian culture. People have started looking at it differently and have begun to develop a more subtle and fluid approach towards it. However, people specially on the work front, don’t leave a chance to say very hurtful things to single women which send out a crude and insensitive message.
Here are 3 of the most atrocious statements single women get to hear while at work. Such statements not only bring out the true mindset of people who are supposedly ‘happily married and settled’, but also reveals their resistance towards bringing about a change in the society.
“Why do you want promotions and increments? You have no responsibilities so why do you want more money?”
Raise your hand if you have heard this from your seniors who were burdened by doing your appraisal, and they joyfully took your marital status as a good reason of appraising you low despite your wonderful performance throughout the year.
My question is why does society or organizations feel that only married women have ‘real responsibilities’, and single women especially have such a princely life, that they can forgo all the acknowledgements and rewards, which they must leave for all those married people who may have a poor or average performance.
“Oh, so you are not married? If you need any kind of help, do let me know!”
Raise your hand if you had come across people specially men who build their muscles throughout their lives to say such rotten things with rotten intentions, and have then pat their own backs for showing off their ‘supportive nature’.
Why is being single considered to be a vulnerable state or a state of being dependent, weak, and unprotected? And more importantly, what do these men think what ‘help’ they are intending to offer?
“Why can’t you work late hours? Instead of doing same silly things, going home, watching all stupid serials, chatting unnecessarily with your friends you can actually devote more time to work and grow. Going home on time is understandable for people having families.”
Raise your hands if you have heard such mean statements from your seniors and often coming from female bosses. My question is who should dictate how a single woman wants to lead her life?
Such seniors should understand that life of single women after office hours is none of their business. If she is silent and is tolerating such statements, you are lucky, otherwise such mean statements can simply go against you and your leadership. They should understand that they are not supposed to define anyone’s life, or else the women who were strong enough to take such concerns to the management had the capability of defining the future of such seniors.
A lot has to change, a lot has to be absorbed, a lot has to be executed, a lot has to be revolutionized, and a lot has to be improved. I am sure speaking up, sharing such experiences, and questioning the foul practices, not once but every time, will surely bring in the change for good.
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Ruchi is a new person who has dared to break all walls of monotony in life, a dreamer, a learner and likes to derive inspiration in all situations she is into. Recently plunged into a read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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