My Sexuality Is As Natural As My Beauty Or Intellect. Why Should I Suppress It?

When a woman talks about sex and sex related issues, or about her sexuality, the first thing people do is to link sexuality to morality. And how are both even the same?

Talking about sex or expressing one’s sexuality doesn’t mean that I have “I want sex” written all over my face. It just means that I am comfortable talking about it and I take ownership of my sexuality. It does not in any way mean that I am looking for good sex.

Writing this article, I am well aware that I am prone to be questioned on my morality or that I will be labelled as bold. 

It is the most primal and natural act of life…

and we all know, without it, there is no procreation which happens to be the first surviving element of any species in this world. Any species, for that matter even bacteria, reproduces itself but why are we human beings ashamed to talk about it and accept that it is a person’s choice and a part of life?

But what can we expect in a society where bigotry, patriarchy, double standards and hypocrisy is rampant?

“There is unbelievable power in ownership and women should own their sexuality. There is a double standard when it comes to sexuality that still persists. Men are free and women are not. That is crazy. The old lessons of submissiveness and fragility made us victims. Women are so much more than that. You can be a businesswoman, a mother, an artist and a feminist – whatever you want to be – and still be a sexual being. It is not mutually exclusive.” – Beyonce.

We can be homemakers, career oriented women, creative professionals and yet be sexual. How are all the other things like our careers and our families and our passions and hobbies tied to us being sexual or not? My sexual life is mine. But women, especially in India, do not own their sexuality because if they do so, everything else gets tied to their sexual freedom and the unwarranted moral labels get stuck to them forever. 

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Another question that Beyonce raises is, if men can own their sexuality why can’t we women do it too? Society cannot grant one gender the right to be free about it and order the other gender to lock it in a box and never mention it. What we need to assess or evaluate is how we can reduce this gap without making moral turpitude the norm for having sexual preferences. 

And that is why we should allow women to talk freely about this subject for society to change. We should encourage our daughters to share their thoughts and views and guide them to make the right choice. If we don’t talk to our daughters about sex how can we tell them to protect themselves from an abusive relationship or stop any physical abuse right at the first stage? When we talk about these things openly, our girls will have that freedom to talk about sexual abuse and injuries and lead a life of safety. 

We marry our girls to strangers…

and expect them to have a first night with a stranger whom they know a little but not enough to share their bodies with. And we do not prepare her mentally for the marriage where sex is one of the major factors. What do we tell her indirectly – to lie down there and not feel a thing or pretend? And what should she pretend? That she is submitting herself to the husband. Why should she?

A sexual act is as much a right to pleasure to the women than to men. And by saying this I am not encouraging sex with anyone and everywhere. What I am saying is sex is a part of life and it should be taken in the right way, not more or not less, be aware of one’s sexual rights, be aware of consent, and be educated about the safety. And above all, a woman has the right to say, NO, to her husband as well. 

Women, play a bigger role in owning your sexuality. You cannot depend on men to come forward and protect your rights if you, as a woman, can’t even talk about it. Don’t make sex a character issue. Own your sexuality. Be honest about it to your partners. Physical intimacy is teamwork and both the partners have equal rights and duties. Make your relationship more meaningful by not suppressing your sexuality but communicating it.

There is a certain power in celebrating one’s sexuality. It gives us freedom and confidence and an opportunity to pave the path for the younger generation to express their sexuality and voice for their rights. With this, we also show men never to cross their boundaries and understand what consent is. 

Sexuality is not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. And we start by accepting our sexuality first. Not hiding it or subduing it. 

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