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“So, when are you planning to have kids?” she asked. I said we are not ready yet and not even sure if we want any. “But why even get married if you do not want to have kids?” she asked me, perplexed.
Indians are nosy. It runs in our blood. Juicy gossip concerning our relatives, neighbors, neighbor’s dog is what makes us tick. You will be considered an outcast and certainly banished from social groups if you do not participate in the daily dish sessions over endless cups of chai.
Indian aunties have become a household name across the world due to their talent to snoop around and bring in information, a trait so great that even Sherlock Holmes would kneel in front of them. They maintain a database about everybody, right from where they are going, who they are meeting to where they are coming from.
They have a special lens for girls. By any chance, you’re spotted without a dupatta, wearing a short skirt or God forbid, talking to a boy, the news will spread like a wildfire all around your neighborhood, until it reaches your mom.
Our Uncles aren’t far behind. Even if you are meeting them for the very first time, they would want to know –
Therefore, in a society like this, being a newly married couple is a fresh kind of hell. It wouldn’t even be a month into your marriage, and you will be constantly bombarded with “When are you giving the good news?” questions. We had been in that situation almost 7 years ago. I’m not sure why people assume there is a problem if we do not produce a kid or two quickly.
A few years ago, I was having coffee with a colleague. I had just come back from vacation after celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. “So, when are you planning to have kids?” she asked. I said we are not ready yet and not even sure if we want any. “But why even get married if you do not want to have kids?” she asked me, perplexed. I was not sure what to reply.
Honestly, I don’t blame her for thinking like this. She has been indoctrinated by the society, which is obsessed with producing heirs, especially males who can take forward the family name. Who cares if you are not mentally or financially ready to have kids, you just pop them out anyway. You don’t want to be called barren now, do you?
If I had a nickel every time someone gave me an unwanted advice about some doctor who would magically turn you into a reproductive goddess, I would have had enough to buy a couple of bitcoins. Also, why is it assumed that only women have such issues?
I had a healthy baby girl at the age of 33, after being married for 7 years. Phew! I’m done, right? I appeased everybody by finally having a baby. Yeah, you would think. Now I’m being asked to produce a son, you know to give my daughter a brother, not least because of the extremely regressive and patriarchal drivel about the family not being complete without a son.
It never ends. For now, my husband and I are enjoying our daughter and have no intention of having another baby. My only policy in life is “Sabki suno, khudki karo” (Translation: Listen to everyone, but do whatever seems fit for you). You need it if you want to survive in India.
Image source: A still from Good Newwz
A former IT professional recently turned a stay at home mom to a beautiful baby girl. I also write at www.indianmumblog.com where I talk about all things parenting and motherhood. It is my read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Menopause is a reality in women's lives, so Indian workplaces need to gear up and address women's menopausal needs.
Picture this: A seasoned executive at the peak of her career suddenly grapples with hot flashes and sleep disturbances during important meetings. She also battles mood swings and cognitive changes, affecting her productivity and confidence. Eventually, she resigns from her job.
Fiction? Not really. The scenario above is a reality many women face as they navigate menopause while meeting their work responsibilities.
Menopause is the time when a woman stops menstruating. This natural condition marks the end of a woman’s reproductive years. The transition brings unique physical, emotional, and psychological changes for women.
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