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Before my eyes could fathom the series of events, a nurse just walked into our room. "He latched so well", she exclaimed!
30 months, 8 follicular studies, 5 tests, 3 gynecologists & 1 failed IUI, the small mathematics hiding behind my patience & perseverance! Some wet pillows, some eyes with hope of parallel pink, endless wait at the hospitals, big smiles sheltering all of it. Despite this, 1 constant throughout was my family!
It’s not easy to have even your people on the same bandwidth of hope & conviction. Yes! We had our set of a popular aunt(s) advising IVF & other treatments but I just had 1 answer to all, “I am going to wait, it’s not the right time yet.”
It was March 2020, when lockdown 1.0 was announced. Our lives changed and so did our routine. Everyone around seemed to be complaining about the lockdown but I was experiencing the most fulfilled routine of my life. With all the additional workload the crisis threw upon I still managed to find time to do all things I love. Yoga, meditation, writing, reading, work along with household chores.
The sense of fulfillment before going to bed was never experienced before. This continued for almost 3 months before the day finally arrived. June 21, 2020, marked the onset of my beautiful journey of pregnancy. Yes, I conceived naturally only to realise the importance of mental well-being.
I would love to emphasise on this point, (for all those who need to read this) how important is internal peace & a happy mind. All this while we were only focusing on my physical condition but what needed to be treated was not even talked about or thought of. A happy mind can certainly do miracles!!
My pregnancy was extremely smooth and dreamy. It was truly a blessing. There were times I would ask my doctor if it was normal to have this smooth pregnancy? She would just smile and say, “We have already been through a lot in this journey, so this is your reward. Just enjoy and don’t question anything.”
Needless to say, I had an extremely dedicated pregnancy routine as well, The affirmations, yoga, meditation, writing, work everything continued. I wouldn’t blame covid for I was privileged to celebrate my baby shower exactly how I had always visualised (yes I did:)
Fast forward to February 2021, I was due on Feb 26. Towards the last term, our doctor concluded my state against natural childbirth. We still attempted various means but ultimately let my guards down to C-section. No denials, the OT experience was terrifying but within 5 mins they placed this 52cm human upside down turning this most terrifying place into a beautiful historic moment.
The anesthesia, by then, had reached its maximum.
A few hours later…
A sense of breathlessness, sweaty palms, dry throat, acute pain enough to gain consciousness. With that mask on (remember Covid) I was feeling totally out of breath! I tried calling the nurse for help but every attempt fell on deaf ears. Finally, after an hour of this ordeal, I was moved to my room when I finally saw some known faces around. All smiles & twinkles in their eyes, enough to pay off my pain.
Before my eyes could fathom the series of events, a nurse just walked into our room. “He latched so well”, she exclaimed, marking the most beautiful moment of my entire motherhood journey. Breastfeeding I believe is still underrated. It’s amazing how a human body nurtures & nourishes a newborn.
The first 3 days in the hospital were filled with pain, anxiety, happiness, doubt, ecstasy; a bag full of mixed emotions. Despite having my loved ones around I was in a disassociated zone. Strictly on liquids for almost 2days, I would beg for food. To lift me upright on the bed demanded assistance from at least 2-3 people. I couldn’t do anything by myself, the worst being holding or playing with my little one. Lying in the bassinet I could barely see him except feed time.
Once home, the initial 2 weeks were filled with the excruciating pain of the stitches, contracting uterus, leaking breasts, bloodstains, sore nipples, headaches; But, through all of this the only medication that worked best was to see my little one lying right beside me. Our new night schedule was set, my alarm tone replaced with the sound of sucking his fingers.
Keeping a count of his urine output became the most important task of the day. Days turned into weeks, weeks quickly staring at months. It’s been 2 months but each day with him is still so overwhelming. That feeling of ‘he is mine’ is yet to sink in.
Our midnight conversations, his twinkling eyes while on feed, some secret expressions reserved only for Maa; we have our moments- “Moments not captured by the camera, moments only my heart steals!!”
Image Source: Zurijeta via Canva Pro
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Partner at SPRIHA Timepieces.
Earlier worked at a iFAST Financial Services as a Research Analyst and Content Writer.
I love to read AND write. Working on starting my blog super soon.
Here to give back read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.