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A perfect husband doesn’t exist. Instead, take care of yourself, try to be successful on your own merit, don’t take shit from them, never allow them to walk all over you.
I am sure to break a lot of notions about romantic love, fidelity, men, and marriage with my theory, but I have been really researching my hypothesis for a while now and I feel like my findings have the power to change the world – a woman’s world at least.
As I have navigated the maze of my own marriage coupled with those of my friends’ and families’, one thing that has stood out has been the discontent of the women towards their husbands.
Though the symptoms appear in some of the specimens and are not quite apparent in others, I found that this theme of dissatisfaction seems to pervade one and all with reasons pulled from different buckets. I condensed them into a few compelling and common categories: laziness, infidelity, selfishness, self-image, lack of planning and foresight were the forerunners. It seemed like almost every woman I talked to seemed to have one issue or the other from the buckets I listed with their male partner. Surely, this universal phenomenon deserved closer scrutiny.
I tried just doing that, and I decided not just to honor the males of the human world with that distinction. I decided to incorporate males of the animal kingdom too.
Barring a few exceptions here and there (which I believe to contribute towards the exception in human beings too, with some men not falling into these buckets), the rule of nature is thus –
I am not here to give you a lesson on what goes on in the animal kingdom; the point I am trying to make here is that this is how the world goes around for 99.9% of the species. The male is not expected to take care of the offspring that he produces. He is not held responsible for it and as a result, he never evolved in that direction.
The only life the male of a species knows is to impress the female, get what he wants, and go about his merry way, as the female moves mountains to not only give birth to her children, but also feed them and make sure they have a good chance at living an adult life. The exception to this rule seems to be birds who seem to lend a hand to the mother of their children. Birds are however the farthest human relatives, so I will discount that in my hypothesis.
The way that nature intended beasts to reproduce and survive is based off on what I elucidated earlier. Homo Sapiens are also considered to be animals and animals we are.
The male of our species has not had the chance to evolve as the female has. The innate desire to make sure her children are safe and sound and the need to put their needs above hers has helped her evolve into this supernatural human being that has no limitations whatsoever. This evolution can be seen in the way a woman can multitask, bear pain, plan for her children’s future, fight like a tigress (not a tiger, mind you!); the list goes on. The way women stick to their kind to ward over tough times also bears testimony to the fact that their natural abilities have evolved due to self-preservation. Men, unfortunately, haven’t had that luxury, and so when we try to bind them to marriages, children, and domesticity, we are trying to go against what Mother Nature (not father, mind you!) has taught them – absolutely nothing!
This has led to men doing what they have been doing since caveman times – hunting, eating, lazing, and jostling each other with a lot of sex in between these activities. Once again, I’d like to reiterate, there are always exceptions to the rule, men who are genuinely working for their families, who try to provide the best but that goes against their implicit nature. It is just that they are stronger and have a heightened sense of responsibility which enables them to go against who they are. Most of the men however do not have that strength and they fail spectacularly at domesticity and fidelity. Men cheat more than women, they take on younger partners walking out of years of commitment without a backward glance, they physically abuse women, rape, plunder, and kill.
I have put forth my arguments in trying to prove my hypothesis, but that doesn’t solve the problem at hand. How do we get men to keep their end of the bargain and do their part in carrying the human race forward other than providing their sperm? Well, I don’t have a solution to that problem – but I think we are headed in the right direction. By holding men to higher standards, by making them forcibly take on the responsibility of the children that they are responsible for creating, I hope we could ignite their evolutionary cycle that helps them evolve to a place where their female counterparts already are reigning. All is well and good except that it took about six million years for the human being to evolve to this stage. The concept of family and responsibility must have been introduced a couple of thousand years ago. That leaves a lot of million years for us to hope that men will change.
So ladies, where does that leave us? It leaves us at the same crossroads – the one of self-preservation. My girlfriends and I who have been married for decades can vouch for the fact that trying to change these million years of instincts is next to impossible. Even if it looks like something changed, you will find out a few hours, days, months or even years later that nothing altered. My advice based on my years of struggle with the opposite sex is to not go ga-ga over the man and expect that he will be this perfect husband material. A perfect husband doesn’t exist. It’s time for women to stop expending energies on these creatures, taking care of them, helping them be successful, being their punching bag; the list is again endless. Instead, do it on yourself, take care of yourself, try to be successful on your own merit, don’t take shit from them, never allow them to walk all over you – there are so many things that we don’t have to do in the hope that they domesticate and love us all our lives. They won’t, they are not made that way. So direct your energies to the most evolved and civilized person in your life – you!
Image source: a still from the film Thappad
I have been an aspiring writer for a while now. I realize I am happiest when I am either writing or reading. I want to continue that route to happiness by contributing and reading what read more...
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