Both my girls chose to study abroad and went to the US for higher studies. Are my girls happy? I think so. Am I happy? Yes & No!
If my girls are happy, then I should be happy. Which is what the ‘Yes’ is for but the ‘No’ is also for the reality of this situation. You may argue that as kids grow older and become adults, it doesn’t matter where they live. They will have a life of their own and parents have to slowly move away from their daily lives anyway.
While this is a universal truth, there is surely something else about moving to a foreign land. In the process of adapting to their host country, their home country becomes distant for them. It may be an organic, unavoidable thing but it is true.
When the dean’s letter comes through the post announcing that your child’s name has been included in the prestigious merit list. Or when your child forwards you raving feedback from the professor on an essay that she wrote, you swell up with pride.
But the very next day, when over the phone she tells you that she won’t be coming home over the winter break, as she is planning to go on a road trip with some friends. You cannot help feel a little disappointed. Logic and justification may follow and your mind may be rested but your heart is left a little sore.
Then you wait for the summer break only to find out that she has an internship lined up because of which she can’t make it home. There is of course no arguing when it comes to career matters.
After the long wait, when they do come home for a break, we drop everything to make space for them. A lot of pampering ensues- ‘Beta kya khana hai, kahan jana hai?’ (what do you want to eat, where do you want to go?).
A whole lot of TLC. Long intimate conversations followed by even longer head massages. Whatever little time is left is filled up by friends. There is no room for a normal life during this time, neither for the child nor for the parent. It’s a vacation and like all vacations, it comes to an end too soon. We bond with them but there is no time for them to bond with the rest of the family.
Before you realise, they are in their senior year and things start getting more serious than you would like it to be. They start applying for jobs and even start getting offers. On the outside, you may brag about the great job offers your child gets but, on the inside, you wish those offers were from someplace in India.
Yes, it is true that many a times the rich educational experience that they get there translates into a success story. The kids adapt to that culture very well and are able to realise their full potential. It transforms them in a very positive way and that is certainly something to be happy about for everyone.
While I have been lucky in this respect, one must bear in mind that all stories around foreign departures to study abroad do not translate into success stories. There are just as many (if not more) sad stories lurking around.
While it would be invasive to share those stories here, the emotional trade-off is a universal thing and may not be acceptable to some. I think it is perfectly fine as it is all about priorities at the end of the day.
The decision to send or not send your child to study abroad should be a well-thought out one and most importantly, it should be your own.
I recently read these beautifully penned words in a different context but they fit in beautifully here.
Dream and dream high
But check your own parachutes
Before you take off for the sky.
Image source: Shakuntala Devi
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Hiding family issues to patriarchy, 'House of Secrets: The Burari Deaths' throws a light on several problematic aspects within the typical Indian family.
The spine-chilling Burari deaths that happened in 2018 were brought to light again with the Netflix series ‘House of Secrets: The Burari Deaths’. The eleven member Chundawat family were like any other middle class family who had been living in the neighborhood for the last twenty years. They also had a grocery and plywood shop in the same vicinity.
Rajeev Tomar the policeman who entered the Burari house after the incident, stated that he had never seen a scene like this in his entire career and the visuals still haunt him. He was in shock to see the entire family hanging with their hands tied and their eyes covered. The documentary mentions that there were 11 diaries that were found with various other notes that further deepened the mystery surrounding the deaths.
Jivuben, who became a mother at 70, travelled 150 kms twice a month for IVF procedures. It's a miracle, but there are Qs like who will raise the child as he grows?
After struggling to conceive for almost 45 years, Jivuben Rabari became a mother at 70! She welcomed her child through C-section in the eight month of pregnancy.
Jivunben who is reportedly 70 years old and her husband who is 75 hail from Kutch in the state of Gujarat. They had been struggling to have their own baby since four decades and were unsuccessful. They finally were able to have their child through IVF (In vitro fertilization).
I finally said yes to a proposal at the age of 29, as my patriarchal conditioning made me feel I was a failure if I didn't get married by the age of 30.
I finally said yes to a proposal at the age of 29, as my patriarchal conditioning made me feel I was a failure if I didn’t get married by the age of 30.
After a long time, I watched a show on Netflix – Indian Matchmaking. This post is not a review or critique of it (enough about that already) but the memories and thoughts that it triggered in me.
Does the change of surname after marriage play into the acceptance of women as now belonging to a new family, with no responsibilities to her natal family?
Does the change of surname post marriage play into the acceptance of women as now belonging to a new family, with no responsibilities to her natal family?
Last November, when I was travelling to Delhi from Nagpur, on my way I met a beautiful family of four in the train. It was a couple who had married early, along with their four year old son and the two year old daughter ‘Gudiya’. The family was going to their hometown in Rajasthan from Chennai, the place where the father used to work as a labourer in a marble factory.