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I think some women are raised to prioritise others before ourselves, and that being selfish is seen as a negative attribute.
I think sometimes we forget to prioritise ourselves. Especially when we are in a relationship. We occasionally forget that we have a voice. That it occasionally gets lost in the noise of being considerate. We don’t really notice it happening. Even for someone as vocal as myself it is something that has caught me off guard.
It isn’t really anyone’s fault. I’m in no way sitting here saying that being considerate is a bad quality. I think some women are raised to prioritise others before ourselves, and that being selfish is seen as a negative attribute.
I have had a love-hate relationship with selfishness; from where I stand. I see it as a great quality – it is an act of speaking for yourself, to put yourself first. This is why I think when another person comes along sometimes that inner voice can get lost in the noise of a relationship. One might find themself not vocalising how they might feel for the fear of hurting their partner’s feelings, or fear of escalation into an argument.
I think we need to normalise arguments. Why not turn it into a healthy discussion instead? Contrary to society’s beliefs of maintaining peace, it is ok to disagree. You are two individuals, with two viewpoints of the world. You must be a little selfish. Get comfortable with the notion that there will be disagreements and that is ok.
These differences of opinion help you gain clarity over topics you didn’t previously realise were priorities – not until these situations arise, until arguments arise. Discussions help identify where you and your partner truly stand.
Maybe you have been avoiding bringing up some topics because you think it’ll make your partner mad. Maybe it’s because you’re scared that if he sees how you truly are in those situations, he will leave you.
That’s where being selfish is the best decision. Because at the end of the day, if you can’t advocate for yourself and raise your own voice, no one else will. So get comfortable with yourself and get to know what you like when you are in a relationship. Learn to get a little louder when you hear your voice become quiet in the consideration of your relationship.
Because with the right person they won’t be running anywhere, no matter the size of your fear or the strength of your inner critic.
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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