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I think some women are raised to prioritise others before ourselves, and that being selfish is seen as a negative attribute.
I think sometimes we forget to prioritise ourselves. Especially when we are in a relationship. We occasionally forget that we have a voice. That it occasionally gets lost in the noise of being considerate. We don’t really notice it happening. Even for someone as vocal as myself it is something that has caught me off guard.
It isn’t really anyone’s fault. I’m in no way sitting here saying that being considerate is a bad quality. I think some women are raised to prioritise others before ourselves, and that being selfish is seen as a negative attribute.
I have had a love-hate relationship with selfishness; from where I stand. I see it as a great quality – it is an act of speaking for yourself, to put yourself first. This is why I think when another person comes along sometimes that inner voice can get lost in the noise of a relationship. One might find themself not vocalising how they might feel for the fear of hurting their partner’s feelings, or fear of escalation into an argument.
I think we need to normalise arguments. Why not turn it into a healthy discussion instead? Contrary to society’s beliefs of maintaining peace, it is ok to disagree. You are two individuals, with two viewpoints of the world. You must be a little selfish. Get comfortable with the notion that there will be disagreements and that is ok.
These differences of opinion help you gain clarity over topics you didn’t previously realise were priorities – not until these situations arise, until arguments arise. Discussions help identify where you and your partner truly stand.
Maybe you have been avoiding bringing up some topics because you think it’ll make your partner mad. Maybe it’s because you’re scared that if he sees how you truly are in those situations, he will leave you.
That’s where being selfish is the best decision. Because at the end of the day, if you can’t advocate for yourself and raise your own voice, no one else will. So get comfortable with yourself and get to know what you like when you are in a relationship. Learn to get a little louder when you hear your voice become quiet in the consideration of your relationship.
Because with the right person they won’t be running anywhere, no matter the size of your fear or the strength of your inner critic.
Image source: author
This post has published with none or minimal editorial intervention. Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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