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The traditional 'suhaag raat' is one of the most sexist concepts. What if she doesn't want any of it at all, she just wants to relax or have a decent conversation, or just have a good night's sleep?
The traditional ‘suhaag raat’ is one of the most sexist concepts. What if she doesn’t want any of it at all, she just wants to relax or have a decent conversation, or just have a good night’s sleep?
They say we live in a free world, that India is world’s largest democracy and that we are progressive people, we believe in equality, women rights etc etc … But are we really progressing?
I would like to discuss about the elephant in the room, ‘the mighty Suhaag Raat’. Why are Indian women not treated equally when it’s their wedding as well?
I mean really, men are not expected to wear a few extra kilos all decked up just to look attractive, sexy, photogenic and God knows what not. In a similar fashion they are allowed to drink on their wedding day, but a woman cannot ask for even a single glass of wine, or whiskey, or scotch or whatever she likes, because she’s under the constant radar of her parents, relatives and her in-laws “log kya kahenge, ladki bilkul sanskari nahi hai!”
She has to dress up like a doll putting on few extra kilos of her couture and the heavy jewellery and with humongous hair style fully loaded with hair pins and gajra. Well that’s a lot to take in for a night and after all this siyahpa (trouble) is done, then comes the ‘mighty suhaag raat’.
That’s another masterpiece on inequality – when a woman is supposed to wait for her husband with a glass of turmeric, almond, and saffron milk on her side. Then he comes late into the room after spending an entertaining time with all his friends and relatives, and she’s supposed to give that milk to her husband so that he can ‘perform’ well in the night as if it’s his territory, and he wants to mark it again and again.
But I just want to know why is it always a man who needs an energy drink, that too when he’s already full on alcohol? Why not give that energy drink to the woman who has had an equally or even more of a tiring day? And doesn’t she also want the strength to enjoy her sex life? Why is it always about men who needs that kind of strength, don’t women need that kind of strength to endure?
Then comes the playground as if the territory has already been marked, where after having that milk he is supposed to perform and she’s supposed to pretend like she’s enjoying it, even if she’s not.
What if she doesn’t like how he smells?
What if she had been into a relationship before which might have been more enjoyable?
What if she knows what she wants and knows about sex more than him?
What if he’s not able to perform? What if he lasts only three pushes or say for 2 minutes?
What if his size is smaller than what she had already experienced in her previous relationship, after all size does matter right?
What if she already knows about her satisfaction point? What if he is unable to reach that point?
What if she has revered Christian Grey all her life or has read mastram or similar stuff, or watched porn and she’s all in for the kink? What if she wants to play dirty, what if she is well versed with all the toys and she wants to play with them?
What if she has higher sex drive than him?
Or what if she doesn’t want any of it at all, she just wants to relax or have a decent conversation, or just have a good night’s sleep?
What about her desires? Where is she in the marriage when it’s supposed to be a union of both man and woman? What is her ground? Why is she not heard from day one of her marriage? Why is she treated like a prized possession and not a simple human being?
And what kind of vague concept is that “suhaag raat hai ghoonghat uthana hai?” (It is the wedding night and the husband has to lift’ the veil).
This is actually one of the most sexist thing I have ever heard, like, should it be even valid? I mean like really ghoonghat uthana hai? If it’s a love marriage then what’s there that you haven’t seen before, and if not then you might have been with someone at some point of time, anatomy is the same for a female body. Also doesn’t it feel a bit like – you unwrap an object? And why are women considered an object? Where is the equality dude?
This kind of discrimination still exist in our society, where women are not treated equally.
This is a concept which is fed by the mother and carried on by the mother in law or sister in law. In India women are not taught to have each other’s back, they are not taught to stand by each other, they are preferred as each other’s rivals, and one’s fall is the rise for the other. Of course, all to the benefit of the men, so they aren’t really invested in changing this status quo.
This takes my mind to the notion that the best relationships are between the same sex couples, no gender discrimination and no pre-determined gender roles. If they are women, they both can lift each other’s ghoonghat if they want to, and if they are men they both can serve each other the glass of milk.
Now that’s equality and that’s what I admire the most.
Image source: a still from the film Suryavanshi
I’m a woman in my early thirties, preparing for state civil services, once divorced and faced some dire situations in life, though those situations have made me strong in the process, I would love read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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