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My father felt that tackling gender issues must begin at home. That we should have the same rules for our sons as we have for our daughters, the same code of conduct, and the same expectations.
My father taught me that feminism is not an idea- it is a way of life. He also taught me that feminism does not mean that everyone has to be the same. For him feminism meant that men and women should have equal opportunities, and freedom to do their own things and maintain their own individuality. He always maintained that life would be quite boring if all around us we saw the same kind of people.
It was much later in life that I really thought about it and decided that it had something to do with how my grandmother brought up her son. I am pretty sure that she had never heard the word, but she believed in and brought up her family to believe in equality of genders.
From buying vegetables and rations to drying clothes my father did whatever he could to help his mom and later, my mom, around the house. He would encourage my mom, a housewife, to have her own hobbies, friends and outings. He took pleasure in taking me for ‘pizza’ outings whenever my mom wanted to watch a movie with her friends.
He did it all so naturally, or should I say ‘normally’, that I thought this was the way families were. Whenever I saw how ‘different’ my friends’ parents were, I thought we were normal and they were weird.
As I grew older and started a family of my own, my father and I had many discussions on gender issues. He always said that gender neutrality is absurd- what we have to achieve is gender equality. He maintained that women should never try to be men as there was no need whatsoever. He believed in not identifying with any gender roles and doing what one wanted to do. He felt that the gender issues can be solved more effectively if we pay more attention to them at home. He used to say that we should have the same rules for our sons as we have for our daughters, the same code of conduct and the same expectations. Later, the society at large should continue and monitor the progress.
Don’t be a superwoman– I found that whenever I tried to ‘do it all’, I failed and then felt inadequate. As career women we should ask for help in managing home. Often mothers and mothers in law may be waiting to help but we never ask.
Delegate– Everyone in the family should feel productive and included in the management of the house. Also, do not try to do everything all together, prioritize. What is not important today, can be done tomorrow or next week.
Don’t try to find fault with help given- Once you have asked someone to help you, accept the way the work has been done. Don’t find faults. Be gracious.
Eat as well as you can- Breakfast should be nutritious as you are beginning a new day but dinner should be your best effort. It is the last meal of the day and the whole family is together to enjoy it. Serve nourishing food to your loved ones, yourself included. Look after everyone, yourself included.
Take time off for yourself– My father always said- keep taking breaks from housework and sometimes from responsibilities- as and when they allow. Give yourself a holiday emotionally, mentally and physically.
Most of us are over-burdened as we look after our work and homes. We carry a lot of responsibility as we take care of our loved ones. As we try to do our best for everyone, we should never forget that we need to do our best for ourselves too.
I have met many feminists in my time, many have contributed a lot to the cause and I respect them all, but a practising feminist like my father is still rare to find.
Image source: shutterstock
I am Anuradha Mankotia. I have retired recently after a teaching career spanning three decades. Reading books of different genres and writing narratives are my passions. I have written many anecdotes about my experiences as read more...
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If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then we expect her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities at home as a woman’ and leave her job.
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
Investing in women means many things beyond the obvious meaning of this IWD2024 theme, as the many orgs doing stellar work can show us.
What does it mean to invest in women?
Telling the women in our lives how great we think they are? That we value the sacrifices they have made? (Usually though not necessarily only – a sacrifice of their aspirations, careers and earning potential in order to focus on family).
No, thank you. Just talk is no longer going to cut it. Roses and compliments are great, but it’s time people, leaders, organizations put their money, capital, resources on track instead.
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