Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
If you want to secure your life, you should stand on your own legs. You should have the confidence that you will survive in the world without anyone providing for you.
Dear girls, you might have heard these lines a hundred times in your life.
You are a girl, you should be careful.
Don’t forget that you will be going to another house soon.
Your wedding is our biggest dream.
Don’t go alone, I will drop you.
Even if your parents are educated, wealthy, and kind, they might still consider you a fragile thing.
“Girls need support and protection. Getting married is a mandatory milestone in a girl’s life. You should happily transition to a different life after the wedding.” This is the narrative you must have heard while growing up. You might be conditioned to believe these.
Parents believe that they should ‘protect’ the girls till their marriageable age and then do a ‘transfer of responsibility called wedding. This is exactly the reason why some parents feel ‘relieved’ after their daughter gets married. But, think about it. Don’t you find it ridiculous that someone needs to ‘support/protect you’ all your life? Doesn’t it feel insulting?
I am not saying marriages are inherently flawed. It’s great to have an equal partner to share your life with. The companionship is beautiful and adds a lot of happiness to our lives. But, the keyword here is ‘equal partnership.’
Marriage is not a master/slave relationship. There are no inferior or superior roles. The husband is not a caretaker, protector, or provider of the wife. If someone makes you think otherwise, don’t believe them.
Marriage should not be a way to make your life ‘secure.’ If you want to secure your life, you should stand on your own legs. You should have the confidence that you will survive in the world without anyone providing for you. The only way to gain that confidence is through education.
I have seen many girls abandoning education when a marriage alliance comes. Parents often force girls to quit college and get married, as if their whole life had been a preparation for this. You should have the courage to say no, even if your parents ask you to quit your studies.
Sometimes you might feel that it’s better to get married and take care of the house. This is not your fault. For generations, women are conditioned in such a way to consider their careers inferior. That our careers are just a ‘supplement’ or a ‘side business’ or ‘something to pass the time.’
Get this straight. Your job/ education/ career might be your only saving grace one day. It’s the only thing that will be on your side no matter what. So, never ever abandon your education for marriage.
Even if a girl has a job and financial independence, it doesn’t guarantee that her married life will be heaven. I have seen women working hard in a job, only to hand over all the financial decisions to their spouse. They have no idea about how to invest their hard-earned money, or sometimes, they don’t even know how many assets they have. This has to change.
If you work hard and earn, you have the right to know where the money is going. Don’t take pride in saying, “I have no idea about finances. My husband takes care of everything.” Having a solid education, a well-paying job, and savings will give you the power to choose.
I don’t mean to say that you shouldn’t make adjustments in the marriage. Sometimes you fight and forgive, make amends. But, you should have the freedom to draw the line. You should have the freedom, ability, and courage to set boundaries.
In an unfortunate incident of things going bad, you should be able to take the decision to leave and shouldn’t have to ask anyone’s permission.
Divorce is not a crime. But dowry and domestic abuse are. Divorce is a personal decision- no one, including family, friends, relatives, and society, has the right to judge. You should internalize this fact.
If the divorce was wrong, wouldn’t it be a crime in India, just like dowry and domestic abuse are?
It doesn’t mean that divorce is easy. It drains people of their emotional, financial, and even physical well-being. But, if a marriage harms you emotionally or physically and threatens your life or well-being, you should have an option to leave.
Your wedding might be your parent’s dream. It might be a matter of your family’s honor. All your sisters might have got married at a certain age. You might be getting older. None of this is a valid reason to push you into a marriage that you are not comfortable with.
You should marry when you absolutely feel that you can take care of yourself, no matter what. This not only needs financial independence. It requires confidence, courage, and emotional maturity.
Good education and a job will help you build an ecosystem around you. This ecosystem might be your job, friends, colleagues, professional connections, parents, or well-wishers who will help you create a new life for yourself. Even if you have all of them or none, you should have the confidence to support yourself. Having a good education, life experiences, and bold worldview will be your saving grace during difficult times.
Image source: a still from the film Tu Hai Mera Sunday
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
Salini Vineeth is a fiction and freelance writer based in Bangalore. She has worked for ten years as an engineer before turning to full-time writing in December 2018. Since then, she has published four read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
He said that he needed sometime to himself. I waited for him as any other woman would have done, and I gave him his space, I didn't want to be the clingy one.
Trigger Warning: This deals with mental trauma and depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
I am someone who believes in honesty and trust, I trust people easily and I think most of the times this habit of mine turns into bane.
This is a story of how a matrimonial website service turned into a nightmare for me, already traumatized by the two relationships I’ve had. It’s a story for every woman who lives her life on the principles of honesty and trust.
This can have a drastic effect on other victims of domestic violence. It will also encourage the abuser that they can now threaten their victim that he/she may end up like Amber Heard on the internet.
The lives of actors, be they from Hollywood or Bollywood, trouble my peace. Though they are worshipped by their fans, the real-life of many is quite troubled. It is scary to see what money and fame can do to a person. These are the people who have made me realize that fame and money are not that important.
I usually try to avoid reading about actors and their lives but there is no escape when the internet gets flooded with news and you come across it again and again as it happened with Aryan Khan’s arrest, Will Smith slapping Chris Rock, or now Amber Heard v/s Johnny Depp case.
We clearly see the pattern of uncivilized society in the above-mentioned cases where the mass verdict is passed even before the jury or judge passes the sentence. Usually, there is no middle ground for these people who are just there to make a topic trending on the internet. One is black and the other is white, there are no shades of grey for these modern-day witch hunters.