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Positive portrayals of women's relationships in media are rare, and often collapse under the weight of stereotypes, at a time when we need more supportive sisterhoods.
Positive portrayals of women’s relationships in media are rare, and often collapse under the weight of stereotypes, at a time when we need more supportive sisterhoods.
Men often spend time with their buddies after work or on weekends. Sadly, this isn’t true for women. There’s a rising need for women to build their community, a safe space where they feel a sense of belonging.
The Okinawa Centenarian Study is a study of elderly people of Okinawa. They enjoy what may be the longest life expectancy in the world. I was watching a video on this the other day.
What stood out for me was that women were talking about self-help and mutual help as two of the four factors that attributed to their longevity. They met in their club once a week for over fifty years. They ate together, laughed, and learned dance and yoga together. The key word being ‘together’.
Women relationships tend to be stereotyped, typically in a negative light in the media. Sisters, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, co-sisters-in-law, best friends end up fighting for the same man. There is almost a universal perverse pleasure in watching these relationships burn to cinders.
There are very few positive portrayals of women relationships not marred by great tragedy. Even they seem to collapse under the weight of their own stereotypes. And, there’s this need to add commentary on as many feminist issues as possible.
There seems to be this underlying competition we’re all engaged in constantly – the competition for approval and protection by (male dominated) society.
For women, community tends to be confined to boundaries of our relatives. It is heavily defined by societal rules. Even those who work don’t have the time or the space to nurture their relationships with their peers the way men do.
There’s always an overarching societal construct that defines how they spend their time. Parents need their young daughters to come home before dark. Married women running back home to do their household chores.
With all the things going on in their lives, where is the energy to build communities?
Best friends from our youth get swallowed up within their own relationships and families. My mother found her tribe in her mid-thirties – they are her bedrock and foundation. Yet, they only met because their children were in the same class in school.
Women need a space where they are not daughter, mother, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, employee or any other relationship that defines them. A space where they are people in their own right. In my own coaching practice, I see this.
Women are conditioned to think about their decisions within the confines of their relationships. Often, it takes weeks of work to even acknowledge what it is that they really want. As women, I think that’s a gift we need to give each other.
We need the sisterhood. More so as we grow older. We are our own people. In order to never forget that, we need a safe space to express ourselves. We need our tribe.
Image source: a still from the Hindi short film Juice
I am a life coach - I help empower women to step out of their 'should' and live their truest self. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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