“Why Can’t You Sleep, Woman?” This Is Why…

There is so much happening outside and inside us, that insomnia is now a relentless constant, especially for women who feel too deeply. 

Because it is too hot
Or it is too cold

Because, hormones.

Because I keep getting up to drink water
And then I keep getting up to pee.

Because I slept too much when I was younger.

Because I saw a cockroach once on my pillow,
And now I believe that it is always around
Waiting to crawl in my ear and feast on my brain.

Because I scroll, scroll, scroll, watching lives happen
At a distance of one day forward from where I am.

Because I’m haunted by worry, or sorrow, or anger.

Because the nights are too short,
To contain everything I feel.

Because I am so exhausted by the weight on my heart,
I don’t even have the energy to unload it.

Because when I do go to sleep,
I have nightmares of being abandoned.

Because as much as I would like it to
The world doesn’t just stop.

Because when I wake up, it will still all be here,
And any respite I get in sleep, will have been a lie anyway.

Because I am immune now to hot baths, turmeric milk, guided meditation,
And yes, I could keep my phone aside,
But then I’d have to deal with the inside of my mind.

Because I am kept awake,
By all these half truths,
Swimming in my eyes.

Image source: a still from the film Thappad.

VJ

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