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I was a vulnerable young girl who depended on others for strength. However, after a toxic relationship, I learnt to love and value myself!
I have been brought up by my mother, the sole breadwinner of our family, with my elder sister and younger brother since our father died when I was 10. Ours was a very difficult journey and the repercussions of being fatherless still affect me in various ways.
I recently learnt about the ‘fatherless daughter syndrome’ and figured out that the things I did in the past weren’t my mistakes alone. For example, I always searched for security and struggled to make decisions.
I sought external emotional support and it was mainly from boys since I felt I didn’t get it from my mother and even when I did, it wasn’t enough for me. However, she did everything she could and had to in order to cope with her insecurities and fears along with the three kids she had to support.
I was a naive, vulnerable and helpless girl coping with fears and insecurities who was only surviving. Plus at that age, I hadn’t heard about empowerment or feminism of any sort.
The boys with whom I shared my worries, took it to the next level and would call it ‘love’ or a ‘relationship,’ which I didn’t resist. For them, I was a girl to have fun with or a girl by their side to evade boredom (for example sexting).
I also got into an abusive relationship but recovered from it via meditation. The last of my relationships were exploitative, the guilt of which still haunts me for my passivity. But then, I learnt to say no.
It was after all this that my journey into inner self-started. And I also started learning about and becoming empowered as a mission. I found happiness and enjoyed independence after getting temporary jobs. Soon, I started to listen, understand, love and nurture myself and is learning to forgive myself.
But empowerment is never easy for me, each step is difficult and hard. A lot of pressure is required to cope with new situations. And as I reflect, I understand how far I have reached and how much inner strength I have that lay deep within me.
Empowerment for me is getting in touch with the inner strength, forgiving and embracing oneself. There is no dead end to it rather it is always a process of learning and unlearning and a path for betterment.
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Lipstick Under My Burkha
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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