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All my life through the words and actions of everyone around I have heard "you don't matter" - now is the time for me to return the favour!
All my life through the words and actions of everyone around I have heard “you don’t matter” – now is the time for me to return the favour!
Today, I am thankful for all of it Everything that shook me Everything that broke me Because today, I know better Because today, I see the purpose of it all.
I was told – girl, dim it down Don’t take up space Don’t do anything that draws attention Try and stay invisible Lower your voice No one likes a loud girl!
Don’t wear that Don’t walk like that Don’t talk like that Put your head down and Work silently; Be humble Tolerate, accommodate – they said Have opinions? Well, keep it to yourself No one needs to hear that Said the well-wishers quite lovingly
But all I heard in that was “You Don’t Matter” You are not welcome as you are! So, I followed the advice- In hopes of acceptance, In hopes to fit in.
I quietened myself I became subdued I questioned my thoughts, I toned down my voice I over-analyzed everything Thought through a million times before I spoke
Oh, I didn’t want to rock the boat, you see I am the peace-keeper, they said Oh what an honor! When did I get that title? I wondered Despite all the adjustments Cutting off my edges Making myself palatable for others Diminishing myself Blending into oblivion Doing all of it and more Diligently in hopes To be seen and to be heard As one of them And it still wasn’t enough You still are a nobody You still don’t belong
That last straw, When your self-respect takes the hit Your values take a beating That moment when you realize You don’t recognize yourself Of who you have become In all this process of fitting in. You realize You have lost yourself
I’m done Done with the adjustments Here, I am giving back the invisibility cloak That you gifted me, so lovingly Let me tell you It didn’t protect me; I still got hurt So here, I don’t need it anymore
I am going be my unaltered self Oh, does that make you uncomfortable? Am I being too loud for you? Is my light blinding you? Guess what? I don’t care
You try damage control And so you try “othering” Play the victim card Then bring out the Guilt Tripping Throw in insults Call me names Get sarcastic Play mind-games Well, carry on, You can keep playing alone ‘Cos I am not playing that game
I bring out my whole self Whether you like it or not I bring my opinions to the table Whether you want to hear it or not I don’t need your acceptance Hell, I don’t even want to belong to your club!
I am me I am free No dimming No dumbing As Raw and Real as I can be!
Image source: a still from the Hindi short film Juice
A mother of two amazing kids and a teacher by profession, I have varied interests. Apart from being an avid reader, I dabble in gardening. My love for painting, cooking, travelling and jotting down my read more...
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Dr Nalini Parthasarathi, 79, based in Puducherry has dedicated 30 years of her life caring for people suffering from hemophilia.
It is amazing when a person turns personal adversity into a calling, and extends empathy to make a significant impact in the lives of other people. This has been the life’s journey of Dr Nalini Parthasarathi.
April 17 is World Hemophilia Day. Dr Nalini Parthasarathi, 79, based in Puducherry has dedicated 30 years of her life caring for people suffering from hemophilia. She was honoured with the Padma Shri in 2023.
Hemophilia is a condition where one or more clotting factor is absent leading to bleeding. Severe cases can be life-threatening.
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