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This journey of motherhood has changed me in so many ways. By far, the most profound change has been to my inner self.
I never knew how much love my heart could hold, until someone called me Mommy -Unknown
Motherhood gave me the best of life experiences. While it is difficult at times, it is also the most rewarding. It isn’t easy to express what it feels like to nurture a soul inside you. You start falling in love with someone even before you see them. And you learn to love unconditionally and completely.
I wasn’t an exception to this sentiment either. The day my daughter was born, I was happy and grateful to God that he chose to answer our hearty desires and prayers. I was so delighted that we were blessed with a pretty princess.
The moment I took her in my arms, she held my finger with her little fingers, tears rolled down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop smiling. It was a mixed kind of feeling, I still feel nostalgic about that precious moment of my life.
Being a mother is a big change on its own. Life throws a new challenge every now and then. When my daughter was just a few months old, someone told me, ‘Just leave and let her cry out or else she will not leave you.’ And I did that for a few minutes before my heart broke into the pieces. All that little soul wanted was to be loved and held.
I knew, next time I would be judged on what I would allow her to wear, or what I would allow her to do. But now I know, I don’t have to listen to everyone. All I want to accomplish is to nurture her to grow into a young independent woman she is meant to be.
But one person was always there to guide me, to wipe my tears and trying to make me feel better by her magical healing touch. She even tried to console me during difficult times with her motivational words of advice. And that person was my Ma. She was the one who knew exactly how I was feeling in those moments.
I’ve always loved my parents, especially my Mom. And yes, I would like to admit that sometimes I didn’t like her especially when she scolded me or stopped me to go somewhere. However, I have always loved her from the bottom of my heart.
It’s quite funny how differently you see things and situations when you yourself become a mom.
I feel so lucky to share this roller-coaster ride of motherhood with my parents. And I miss so many things about my Mom, especially the gentle hug and tender kiss and her lovely smiling face.
Time flies by us but leaves its nostalgia behind. I wish I knew then what I know now, as a mother. I am empathetic to the struggles my mother went through. It’s really difficult when you can’t find time to be alone for a minute. Moms are never truly alone, not in the car, not in the bathroom, not even in her own thoughts.
This journey of motherhood has changed me in so many ways. By far, the most profound change has been to my inner self. I’ve been re-wired emotionally since having Sasha.
Sometimes I just want to hold Sasha tightly close to my heart and make time stand still because I know she will grow up before I know it. I love watching her grow but possibly can’t save each and every detail to my memory, so I try to record it. Like every parent in this digital era, I take a lot of pictures and videos of Sasha.
I love to create and capture memories because one day I won’t be here with her. And I want her to know how fierce my love was for her, how deeply I was involved in her life.
I just want to be like my Mom in this beautiful journey of motherhood. How she raised and helped me to turn into my own sunshine. And how she was always there to inspire and encourage me to fulfil my dreams and nurture the seeds of self-esteem into me.
Sasha and my Mom are the best people in my life, the source of many nostalgic moments of joy and tears of happiness.
And the journey continues one step at a time.
A version of this was first published here.
Picture credits: Still from Santoor Handwash’s ad on YouTube
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I am Smita Saksena. I am Author of two Books, Blogger, Influencer and a
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