On a ‘confessions’ Facebook group, a man just ranted about a woman who rejected him years ago, choosing a dream career and life instead, in a case of sour grapes.
On any random day, a single 30-something happily unmarried woman is enough to rile any one, let alone a man, who conforms to stereotypical notions of marriage and women. Add a personal history where a man has been rejected by the said woman, and you have a crying man-baby who can’t stand a woman who has the courage to choose her career over society’s diktats of matrimony and child-rearing.
I came across this post recently where a man very proudly, among other things, spoke about a woman who had rejected him earlier and instead chose to focus on her career. He then went on to be nasty about her and boasted about how handsome he was compared to the man she was now marrying.
His reasoning needs some line by line demolishing, as it is completely wonky.
The post begins with the line: ‘This is the story of my ultra feminist female friend.’
That itself had me doubling over with laughter. ‘Ultra feminist’?! And how is feminism to be blamed for women being independent and career-oriented? Or the idea that it is the reason women are single in their 30s?
In fact, feminism is to be credited for being the movement where girls can pursue their dreams and ambitions, and make their own choices. It gives us the freedom to be who we want to be, and do what we want to do.
Feminism is the reason why this woman, rightfully deserving of the highest package, got to make her choice to pursue her career over a life of miserable domesticity, that too with this regressive, egotistical, and petty-minded man.
The post describes the woman in detail. He says, ‘She was like those topper type girls. Full of attitude because she was pretty. She rejected all good guys because no one was good enough. She got a good campus placement, highest package. Although my package was much less, my family is much more well off than hers so I proposed her for marriage. She again rejected me showing attitude.’
Dude, this girl seems to have had the dream life. She was good at her studies. She chose to focus on her career. She got a good job and package during the campus placements – the highest, mind you. I am not only in awe of her for having had the insight and courage to reject a life she didn’t want, but also inspired by and cheering for her having chased her dreams and getting the best of everything!
But alas! As per this man’s limited knowledge of what feminism is or what women want, this woman lived a very ‘sad reality’ of single women in their 30s.
He continues his rant, ‘She is still unmarried. She wasted all her youth working and climbing the corporate ladder. She was unable to find a good husband. I was very happy to see her like this. She showed off a lot on social media about her happy single life but we all know the sad reality of single women in 30s. Advice to all full of attitude feminist. Waste your youth working and no will want you when you are old even if you are very successful career wise.’
Hold on! Before I can reply to this, I need to pick myself up from the floor which is where I found myself after I fell down laughing after reading those lines.
It is surprising this man thinks a woman who works and climbs the corporate ladder is ‘wasting her youth’, when in reality, she is investing in her own career and financial independence. And there are many of such men out there, who think they are God’s gift to mankind. Who think, mistakenly, mind you, that being bald is a measure of a person’s worth or that being handsome is the only deciding factor for a woman when choosing a partner for marriage.
Women in their 30s can be happily single. They can have everything they want in their lives when they want it, including a man and marriage. Don’t believe me? Ask any of the 74+ million single women in India.
Unlike what men like him think, a single woman in her 30s hasn’t missed the bus and then has to settle for leftovers. For all you know, the man that a 30-something-year-old woman decides to marry may well be far wiser, kind, empathetic than the one who claims to be more handsome.
The second-most important thing that needs to be mentioned here is that the modern Indian woman does not live for marriage. She, unlike what men think or believe, has ambitions that go beyond rearing children and serving a husband and in-laws.
Women want to achieve their dreams – write, travel, paint, sing, maybe even serve the nation – and explore the myriad opportunities that life has to offer. Having an arrogant, conceited husband who thinks like this man does is, forget being the least, not even on the list of priorities.
Unfortunately, men like him (Kabir Singh, anyone?) think a woman saying no to a man is an insult to his existence. They fail to realize that the rejection doesn’t stem from the women’s ‘attitude’ but from their desire to be who they want to be and achieve the full potential they can.
I know because I am one of those women. 38. Unmarried. Happy. And in no desperate urgency to get married just for the sake of having the tag of being ‘Mrs’. So there!
Then he says, ‘But I heard she is getting married next year. I looked up the guy she will marry on social media, he is a very ugly looking guy. Bald. I am still very much good looking but she missed her chances with the Alpha and is now marrying a beta simp.’
This is nothing but an insecure man holding on to his being rejected years ago. Dude, she doesn’t care for you. You’d better let go, if only for your own sanity.
And since when is having a head full of hair a measure for someone’s worth? And to proclaim yourself as being good-looking and being the ‘Alpha’ has to be the newest example of living in a self-created bubble. (Never mind that women are not looking at men as Alphas and Betas. It’s marriage, not a mathematical equation!)
The sad reality is that this man and his laughable belief that 30-something single women have had a miserable existence and hence, are now desperate to marry just about anyone is unfortunately more common than we think.
We all know the ridiculous importance that society puts on marriage. Most people think that marriage is the ultimate goal in life. As if a woman without a man by her side to complete her has no other purpose to her existence. All her achievements and successes pale in comparison if she isn’t married. And even if she did want to marry, the reasons for marrying are different and personal for everyone.
Many of us are happy in our own lives, with or without a partner to give us company. And contrary to what proponents of marriage preach, It’s not as if it will solve the problems a person may have. With marriage come more problems of adjusting, living with demanding in-laws, and again, having to give up on your dreams and settle for a life of dreary domesticity.
Will it assure the woman of a lifetime of companionship and happiness? Hell, no!
Coming back to the man’s post; there were a ton of comments that spoke in the woman’s defense. Award winning writer-editor and feminist Sowmya Rajendran said, ‘You can cover a head that’s empty on the outside with a wig if really pushed, but what can you do with a head that’s empty inside?’
Another mentioned how he had actually justified the woman’s decision not to marry him. Yet another comment, which I personally wholeheartedly endorse, was how a ‘bald head can be fixed in a parlour and beauty can also be made up… But the dirt in mind can never be erased.’
Many correctly pointed out how it was actually the man himself who was full of negativity and showing ‘attitude’.
It was heartening to see how many thought the woman had made the right choices all along. I can only imagine the reaction on the man’s face when he realizes his so-called lesson to all the feminists is actually the dream life we all aspire to have.
His post ends with the line: ‘Lesson to all feminists.’
Umm, hello, here’s a reality check for you, instead. This is more like a validation of what ALL women should do. So not only are we all cheering for the woman, but we’re also reminded of why feminism and feminists rock!
Meanwhile, I am wondering who is going to write a post that serves as a lesson to all misogynists!
Image source: a still from the film Pyaar Ka Punchanama
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Piyusha is a sometime sane reader, part-time crazy writer and full-time wacky alien.
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