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Healing doesn't happen over a day, but it begins the moment we try not to push away the negative thoughts, rather analyze the past events and take all possible lessons from them.
Healing doesn’t happen over a day, but it begins the moment we try not to push away the negative thoughts, rather analyze the past events and take all possible lessons from them.
Dear fighter,
If you are here reading this post, if you have survived the difficulties life threw at you, you are a fighter.
No, I would not say sorry for what you went through. Yes, I am disgusted and feel pathetic for the ones who put you through this ordeal. The decadence by a few anti-social elements in the society saddens me. But I also know a simple sorry is going to do nothing about it.
I won’t ask you to stay positive, or simply let it go. Trying to bury the past is not the right way to heal.
I would instead ask you to contemplate the events of the past until you are convinced that it was never your fault. I would ask you to accept those incidents as nightmares of your life rather than making efforts to erase them. The truth is the more you try to erase them, the more they will trouble you. It will make you frustrated, and the frustration will manifest into anger or some form of depression.
There might be people around to blame and shame you, but you must know that self-blaming would only be followed by self-harm. I have been in this place once, and the path to healing began only when I stopped the self-blaming.
Healing doesn’t happen over a day, but it begins the moment we try not to push away the negative thoughts, rather analyze the past events and take all possible lessons from them. Everything in moderation is good, likewise, a little dwelling on the past would actually help. So it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to feel low, it’s ok to feel desperate and it’s ok to feel the pain. For it is this pain that will show you your true strength and courage.
I know how it feels to be abused by those who are supposed to protect us. But, I am not a counselor or a therapist. So if none of my words make any sense to you, or even if they make sense but you feel there is nothing you can do about it, then please let someone intervene. Your emotional health gets affected the most. Don’t shy from seeking professional help.
When you have survived hell, you are strong enough to defeat the inner demons too.
With that, I sign-off with lots of love, strength, hope, and a reminder that you have a lot of fight left in you.
A survivor of gender based trauma is affected in ways that go deep, and their worldview can get permanently damaged. It can be really crippling in their day to day life – whether in the personal or public sphere, and sending some comfort their way can help.
We at Women’s Web are collaborating with the Saahas App for Survivors of Gender Violence to reach out to women who need to be heard, and healing, as survivors of gender based violence. Letters to the survivor from our authors will be published on Women’s Web in the coming 10 days, and also on the Saahas website, in a series called “Dear Survivor”.
If you would like to participate, please upload your letter on your Women’s Web dashboard, and if chosen, it will be published.
Image source: shutterstock
When I was little, I had a knack to spin up stories, poems on literally anything, from a butterfly to a fan. With time, the stories started fading. When I became a mother, a plethora read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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