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The Virus Taught Me That I Don’t ‘Own’ My Children, They Have Dreams Of Their Own!

Posted: October 28, 2020

Our children are unique individuals with hopes and dreams of their own! Let’s give them the space to be themselves. 

So, I have a question…

Most of the people reading this are parents, or have parents.

Some live in a large joint setup and some are nuclear.

A few have returned home after years of living solo and then there are some that are caught midway on their journey.

But to each his own, right?

Coming back to my question: Why do we exercise ownership over each other?

We give birth to children because we want a family with the man/woman we love. We want to create a part of us that we can look at everyday and remember our childhood days.

Oh, and of course the adage of family name, heirs etc that get added along the way.

But, the most important reason to have a child is only because as parents we want a baby to have and to hold.

Our children are their own persons, too

In all this rigmarole, somewhere down the line, we forget that our children are their own person too.

They have dreams and desires which we as parents inculcate.

They have aims and ambitions which we as parents drill into them.

So, why is it when we are the ones giving them their wings, that we stand with clippers too?

There are so many books on raising children, so many self help guides directing us on the right way to feed them or bathe them or deal with their teenage tantrums.

How would children want to parent their parents?

If I were to reverse this role and write a self help on parenting parents, what do you think the children would like to say?

Age does not constitute wisdom, perspective does.

I’ve come from a home wherein the elder women used to wear a ‘ghunghat’ in front of the men, to now seeing the same elders in tracks and a top chilling, having a glass of wine with the same men!

Age does not define your limits, insecurity does. The only thing that is necessary is to have an open, almost childlike mind, to be ready to try new things.

I remember hearing as a young mother, “Don’t let her cycle without the training wheels. She will fall.”

Fall she did…not once, not twice, but a lot of times…but she also learned an important life lesson. No matter how many times you fall…you always get up and try again. Never give up.

Age doesn’t guarantee that you’re always correct

Age does not imply that whatever you say is correct. A child could also have their own way of looking at things and forming an opinion. And respect should be expected both ways.

I have personally been told, “Why ask for my choice Ma, when you’re going to feed me what you want to make anyway?”

For all the negativity that the virus has brought around, I seriously am grateful for the little changes it has made in my own outlook.

No relationship in this world can be owned, not even a mother-child one. As a parent, one of the most important things I have learnt is to be self reliant.

It is to accept the changing technology and generation and bask in the newness it brings.

It is to let the children feel as though they are free to soar as high and far as they want, with the security of knowing that their folks are okay.

It is to let them live the life they want, not a figment of the one I couldn’t have.

Parenting is a beautiful journey, though crazily frustrating at times.

I’ve learnt from my children that the only way to ensure an uninterrupted supply of contentment from the mini versions of me is not to teach them but to show them that their flight of fancy is theirs to enjoy.

Cheers!

Image Source: Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels

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Pooja Poddar Marwah is an Indian author and blogger. (October 22,1978) Her foray into

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