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Are We So Insecure That Only A Name Change On Social Media Shows Your Marital Commitment?

Why do you think women feel the need to change their family name after marriage? Is that how we proclaim our love and commitment to the world?

Why do you think women feel the need to change their family name after marriage? Is that how we proclaim our love and commitment to the world?

Has social media ever thrown surprises at you? I am sure, each one of you have had your own little eye-opening moments in your virtual lives. They might have elicited in you a variety of emotions – pleasant, bizarre or even unpleasant.

I am not a very active person on social media. However, I do spend some time scrolling through the latest feed every now and then. That is when I got gobsmacked by some of my old friends on Facebook. Believe me, it wasn’t because they were having fun and gossiping behind my back.

The post got me wondering

Recently, I saw a post from one of my friends on Facebook. It was a picture of her daughter who is celebrating her first birthday this month. Some strange feelings in me pulled me away from a ‘Like’ that was otherwise the obvious response.

Even though it was really difficult for me to not stamp my approval of the post of a cute toddler, it was something else that stopped me from doing it. The entire time I stared at that picture, all I wondered was who the mother of this cutie was.

I treasure memories of my friends and it is almost to the point where I never forget anyone I’ve spent good time with. Hence, I had to go to my profile to make sure that my FB page has not been hacked. To my relief, my page was well intact but then, something startled me further. This lady was a school friend of mine who I recognise very well, what changed was her surname on Facebook!

Who are we trying to impress?

The fact is, she is not the only one who has changed her surname after marriage. A lot of people do that now which seems quite weird to me. Patriarchal beliefs have always expected married women to change their surnames to that of their husbands. But even in this digital age, when women claim to be empowered and independent individuals, is this what we should be doing? Have we become silly enough to feel the urge to proclaim our love and commitment to our partners through a name change exhibited to the world?

To all the women who have done this or have seen others do it, why do you think women feel the need to change their family name after marriage? I am a happily married woman but changing my name never crossed my mind. Neither have I seen anyone complaining about it so far.

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Who are we trying to impress then? Are we all seeking the approval of the social media mongers, who are nothing but a group of strangers to us? It is high time we ask these questions to all those women who are living in a make-believe world and scripting new forms of servility.

How do you celebrate equality if you change your name?

Women empowerment is a topic that interests almost all the current generation of women. I find it astonishing that the same women eagerly change their surnames the very next day of their marriage.

It really bothers me when some of the most educated and smart women do this.  Are you doing this to show the world that you are someone else’s property now? What happens to the sense of equality that new-age women assume to be celebrating in marriage?

I can already see the wheels turning on your heads. If you tell me, changing surnames will make your bond strong, I will agree to disagree with you. If a change in name could make a healthy relationship, there wouldn’t have been any divorces in our country. I don’t really understand how you imagine strengthening your relationship by this crazy digital marking.

Are relationships just a show on social media now?

On the one side when we talk at length about privacy in relationships. And on the other, there are many amidst us who verbalise and exhibit their love for their spouses on their birthdays or anniversaries through FB.

All I can think is, have we already forgotten how to communicate face-to-face with a person? Are we so digitised that even our happiness and sorrows are expressed and lived through social media platforms?

I have seen some of my friends search the internet for the best romantic phrases to impress their loved ones who are right next to them. Are those posts really worth it? Have relationships and emotions been reduced to few phrases and images posted on FB to gather the most number of ‘Likes’?

No one on social media needs to approve your marital status!

Staying updated on social media is not a bad thing at all. However, in the midst of getting ourselves wrapped up in the current trends, it feels like we are losing both our relationships and emotions. If you think your husband understands your worth only by taking up his surname, it is time to think if your relationship is worth your efforts.

It is high time we realize that social media is all about communicating your ideas and making friends. Believe it or not, nobody on your friends’ list has to approve your marital status.

Rather than shouting to the world about what is happening in your life, it is better to draw a line between your personal and public life. After all, any number of ‘Likes’ is not going to save your life if it starts to fall apart forever!

Picture credits: Still from Dice Media series The First Move

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