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In a society that calls relationships by the name 'affairs', the stigma could be too much for a woman who'd rather face the violence, putting her at danger.
In a society that calls relationships by the name ‘affairs’, the stigma could be too much for a woman who’d rather face the violence, putting her at danger.
In a span of two weeks after bagging the job at Fleet Airlines, sparks had begun to fly between Rohan and Neha. Since both of them were getting acquainted to the new challenges of their new job, they could each relate to the stress that the other one was feeling.
The early twenties in one’s life (of perhaps the generation of people who were born in the 1980s) were such that every second crush that you had on someone was such an immense form of infatuation; that it felt as though it was love.
Things began to pace up in their relationship since they spent most of time together during the training period of their new job. They graduated soon from ogling at each other and holding hands to kisses and cuddling!
Looking for a space for intimacy was a very difficult task for those young almost two decades ago. One had to wait for a friend’s vacant house at times. At some other times, you would risk grabbing that opportunity when it came to your own place.
Neha invited Rohan to her place one such opportune day, when her family were all away.
While they immediately pounced upon each other after a couple of kisses and hickeys, Neha wasn’t really looking forward to venturing any further than that. Rohan however was at the peak of his imagination and headed straight for the kill.
When Neha made it clear than she did not want to go any further, he went ballistic and moved away from here. He almost yelled, “Why did you call me here if you wanted to act like this snob?”
Neha rushed towards him and placed her palm on his mouth, “Shhh! Don’t scream, my neighbors will hear us.”
Rohan got further aggravated upon hearing this and moved towards the door to open it, “Do I care? Why did you call me home at all? Let everyone listen and know what a wimp you are!” He correctly hoped that creating a scene could get him where he wanted to get with Neha.
Neha was almost in tears and held his hand in a tight grip, pleading with him to not create a scene, and that she was sorry. Rohan however behaved in the most absurd way and after Neha’s bawling at his feet about how sorry she was – he walked out of the house making Neha feel guilty about the whole episode.
This is not a story. It happened to someone I know. When Neha narrated the entire story to me, I was as infuriated as you may be now while listening to this kind of behaviour displayed by Rohan.
Yes, Neha made a wrong choice, and trusted someone who did not consider her consent important. Rohan and people like him are the last people you ever want to get even acquainted with!
But why did Neha not slap him? Why did she not call for help when he almost tried to molest her physically and then emotionally? Why did she have to beg or plead for Rohan to not create a scene?
The answer lies in our prejudices about ‘relationships’ that are called ‘affairs’ by a patriarchal society, and have a stigma associated with them. While the times have progressed since then; a ‘live-in’ relationship is still looked at by a specific part of our society as ‘sinful’.
Neha did not raise her voice because she had invited Rohan over in the absence of her family members. To her, according to her upbringing – what she had done was unacceptable to the society.
When I think about this incident that happened with Neha – perhaps more than a decade ago – I ask myself, “What would have happened had her family got to know about it? Well, at the most Neha would have had to bear the brunt of a tight slap across her face by her parents and a few days of taunts about her behavior. Wasn’t that anytime better than tolerating a pervert get away with this kind of fear?”
It makes me shudder to think how many girls may have let something even worse happen to them under the fear of being exposed to such so-called ‘taint’.
The least we could do, is to bring up the daughters of our generation in a way that they choose their self-respect over the hollowness of the ‘disgrace’ associated with any such incident. It’s okay to have a boyfriend – if as an educated parent – you prefer your daughter’s life over ‘log kya kahenge‘!
Image source: a still from the film Manmarziyaan
With a passion for storytelling and a deep love for the written word, Sneha Acharekar has made a name for herself in the world of creative writing with more than 5 published books and numerous read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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