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Our girls are raised to feel 'grateful', growing up into women conditioned to feel guilty about prioritizing themselves before their parents, spouse or children.
Our girls are raised to feel ‘grateful’, growing up into women conditioned to feel guilty about prioritizing themselves before their parents, spouse or children.
~ “I am grateful to my parents that they loved me unconditionally despite me being their third daughter.”
~ “I am so lucky that my husband and in-laws allowed me to work.”
~ “I will be forever indebted to my parents that they supported me and my children after my divorce.”
~ “I am so thankful to my parents that let me study and pursue my dreams and did not pressurize me for marriage once I turned 22.”
~ “My husband baby-sits our children when I am out with my friends on a Friday night. I am so lucky.”
~ “My son helps me in the household chores and my friends and relatives say I am fortunate to have a son like this.”
~ “My husband helped my daughter with her homework when I had fever. I am so blessed.”
~ “I didn’t feel like cooking today, so we ordered food from outside. I feel so guilty giving my family outside food.”
~ “Thank God for my stars that I have a mother-in-law who treats me so well unlike so many women
~ “I watched my favorite series while my husband put our kids to sleep. God bless him.”
~ “I was so lucky that I grew up in an environment where my parents did not differentiate between me and my brother. We were given equal opportunities.”
~ “My husband ‘allowed’ me to go and take care of my dad when he was hospitalized. I am so thankful to him.”
How many times have we heard these from women from all walks, all strata of life?
Girls/women are raised and conditioned in such a manner that they are thankful to each and everyone for ‘allowing’ them to exist, work, rest, party! How often do we hear men being thankful for ‘allowing’ them to live the way they want to? For most boys/men it’s a way of life, but still for many girls/women it’s their good fortune.
Girls are told to be thankful for what they actually deserve or have the full right to. Girls have the right to take birth, to study, to think, to pursue their dreams pre or post marriage, to work or not work post babies, to take a day off, to order food from outside rather than slogging in the kitchen, to be taken care of!
When parents support their daughters to study or a divorced daughter the society applauds the parents, but tell me if the parents don’t support the ones whom they gave birth to then who else will support?
If a husband, who has taken the vows to protect and support his wife doesn’t share the responsibilities or support her then who else will?
When a son helps his mother in household chores, why do we need to applaud him? Shouldn’t it be the way of life?
Women are conditioned to feel guilty about prioritizing themselves before their parents, spouse or children. That’s the reason they feel so ‘blessed’ or ‘fortunate’ when these people support her or share her responsibilities.
Real women empowerment will be the day when women start to live their life without feeling obliged or guilty. For once, they should be thankful only to themselves for fighting out all the challenges and balancing every role so well.
Image source: a still from the film Secret Superstar
I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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